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World Rugby…What is Your Deal With Us?

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World Rugby…What is Your Deal With Us?

by The Brisbane City Behemoth

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Sigh…Another late night staying up waiting for the Wallabies game and another Sunday morning going to bed as the sun is rising and the birds are chirping. Another beautiful day is dawning on our great country and it seems everything is right except on the rugby pitch. It will take hours for the anger and irritation of yet another wallabies loss filled entirely with referee shenanigans to subside and I can finally rest my weary brain. It is the same story over and over again.

It’s the year 2001, and the world champion Wallabies have snaffled the pill away from the touring Lions in the twilight of the test decider. We boot it into touch and emerge 29-23 winners. It will be another twelve years before they show their ugly mugs on our shores and as world champion lion tamers who have held the Bledisloe Cup since 1998, the Wallabies soak up the atmosphere of a full Olympic Stadium in Sydney. There are thousands of touring Lions fans in attendance, millions watching all over the world and all they can do is sit there in silent envy. We truly are on top of the world. 

Yes, we had a great generation of players and an iconic coach. A lot of the things that existed then do not exist now with the wallabies. Aside from a rather odd world cup final appearance in 2015, the last decade and a bit for the Wallabies following the 2001 Lions Tour has been fairly forgettable, kiwis plunder our social media projecting on every single post, the English brag about having won eight successive tests against us and up until this year we had not won a mid-year test series since 2014. 

But I digress, the wallabies of 2021 are showing signs of life under coach Rennie. The simple fact is, people in general respect winners. The secret to it all is winning and while that is easier said than done, it is clear Dave Rennie is showing the players they can win. That is why it would not be right I was not to mention the elephant in the room, the standard of referees we get lumped with.

The Wallabies went 0-3 on their European tour

The Wallabies went 0-3 on their European tour

 

This is not a new problem, for years I had issues with the ways the refs consistently worked against us, particularly on spring tours. Some of the ways we get treated just do not happen to teams like the All Blacks or the English. As much as I know this happened to us under Cheika, the less said about his reign from 2016 on, the better. With the cultural shift in the wallabies and the five straight wins we had heading into Edinburgh, I assumed we would have enough command that the refs would feel obliged to not be so pedantic with the Wallabies this time. I was wrong. 

In his last game as a ref, Romain Poite was determined to take us out one more time. Whether it was waiting to penalise Hunter Paisami for an apparently excessive cleanout (if you can believe such a ruling) until we had an easy try in the corner, or ignoring Scotlands Hamish Watson coming in from the side to penalise Paisami again, it was clear that him and the TMO only cared about what we did wrong. This was further proven when they decided to take what would have been a match-winning try off the Wallabies because Allan Alaalatoa dared make contact with a Scottish player in the ruck prior. The double standards roared their ugly head when moments after captain Michael Hooper had seemingly scored, he was immediately eye gouged in a move that was as unpunished as it was unprovoked. 

Ultimately though, the Scottish used these woeful inconsistencies to prevail, and a week later, against a full-strength South African pack, and without the help of Poite, they were thoroughly dismantled. Meanwhile, a sub-strength Wallabies were undoubtedly outmatched by the English at Twickenham, but they were still penalised 18 times, including six times the TMO intervened to reverse what would have been Wallabies ball and did not take such action against England once. Even though they could just let the supremacy of the England team speak for itself, the referees just had to involve themselves that much. Are we supposed to believe that any other tier 1 nation would cop that sort of treatment?

 

Finally the Wales game. Perhaps the worst officiated Wallabies game I have ever seen, which says a lot. This match was so poorly managed that a clearly superior Wallabies side that by all means should have left 28-6 winners, had to accept a bitter 1 point loss. Many neutrals have surprisingly come to our defence following that disgraceful display and it is off the back of this particular atrocity that I feel vindicated enough to write this. 

I ask World Rugby simply, what is your deal? What is your problem with Australia that you actively take on such a hands-on approach to seeing us lose? How does it help rugby to take away the Michael Hooper try? Who enjoys seeing the Wallabies get incessantly micromanaged to the point they are penalised 18 times but the English get away with murder? What good does it do to sandbag the Wallabies in Cardiff when they are so clearly the better side? What are you punishing us for?

Dave Rennie made a point of saying he does not blame refs regularly, which tells me he knows how to teach accountability and discipline. It would have been high on his agenda but more importantly, it is not hard to behave yourself out there. It is clear this tough stance being taken is not a one size fits all rule, it is not something we have any control of. We can talk discipline all week but at the end of the day all that ref cares about seemingly, is taking us down a few pegs. I do not know what the issue is, maybe our unmatched quality of life in Australia is just the source of acute jealousy, but we need our legends to come out and defend our men in gold, to hold the refs accountable as the kiwis do. If that ref who red cards Rob Valetini for a HEAD CLASH knows he has to explain himself to a former Wallaby world cup winner, I guarantee you he does not make such a ludicrous decision. 

If World Rugby thinks they can bully us out of the picture, we need to simply bully back. Fewer shenanigans with the Ref will mean more reliable officiating where the fruits of our current Wallabies will ripen and when we start to win, we can have our day as World Champion Lion tamers once again.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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The All-Ginger Red Hot Chilli Steppers are Bringing the Ranga Rage to the Brisbane Sevens

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The All Ginger Red Hot Chilli Steppers are Bringing the Ranga Rage to the Brisbane Sevens

DYOR Dave

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Ever since the infamous Jonah Takaluah decreed about Ranga’s: “yes they are (a race) sir, they’re everywhere,” redheads around the nation have been galvanised into action, looking to prove themselves at every opportunity with their signature brand of fiery belligerence. The latest addition to the rich tapestry of Ranga solidarity comes in the form of Rugby Sevens team the Red Hot Chili Steppers, who will feature in both the Men’s and Women’s tournament at this weekend’s Brisvegas Sevens.

Founded by UQ player Nat Wright, the Chili Steppers originally began as a joke social media account highlighting the conquests of current Duracell’s like Andrew Kellaway and Harry Johnson Holmes. However, when the opportunity to make this team a reality came by, ranga’s from around the nation put down their Fanta’s and laced up their boots.

The positive publicity from this team will be a much-welcomed boost for the red-headed community worldwide, who are still reeling from the annual kick-a-ginger day celebrations that take place every year in October. Crimson crested men and women around the globe are hoping that a strong performance by their representatives can reconcile the divide between ranga’s and non-ranga’s that has existed for centuries.

Conan O'Brien, Prince Harry, Ron Weasley, Ed Sheeran and now Nat Wright. Leading rangas in their field

Conan O'Brien, Prince Harry, Ron Weasley, Ed Sheeran and now Nat Wright. Leading rangas in their field

 

A physical sport like Rugby is a perfect outlet for the copious amounts of ranga rage that bubbles within every carrot-top, as demonstrated by pioneering redhead James Graham, who reportedly refused to eat on gamedays, fuelling himself only on pure red rage. Other teams in the tournament have expressed concerns that so much concentrated ranga rage could lead to dangerous outcomes on the field, and the Chili Steppers are reportedly showing no mercy to anyone who has ever uttered the words “Fanta pants.”

While this team is the first of its kind, much research has been put into the concept of an all red-head sports team. Rugby sevens emerged as the most optimal sport due to its physical nature as well as the short game lengths. For many redheads, 14 minutes is the maximum time they can spend in the sun without turning into sundried tomatoes. Rumours have circled for decades about the famed all-ranga cricket side, who played one test match before all 11 players were injured with sunburn and the club ultimately went bankrupt due to exorbitant spendings on sunscreen and aloe vera. There are far higher hopes for the Chili Steppers, who are allegedly deep in sponsorship talks with Banana Boat.

After the Brisvegas sevens wraps up, The Red Hot Chili Steppers will take their follicles of fire to the Roma 7s next week, and are looking towards growing their side by inviting anyone from the ranga community to join in. Their only rule – No Fangas (fake rangas)

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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Two Months After Its Launch, Rugby 12’s Looks Set to Fail Before it Even Starts

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Two Months After Its Launch, Rugby 12’s Looks Set to Fail Before it Even Starts

DYOR Dave

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Back in August, the idea of Rugby 12’s was officially launched by a group of British executives to try revolutionise Rugby while earning them a shitload of money. But before a ball has even been kicked or a player signing, the dream looks to have faded as World Rugby rejected the proposal and refused to sanction the tournament.

You’d be forgiven for not even hearing about this concept thanks to the amazingly minimal promotion or coverage of Rugby Union in Australia, but if this concept were actually to take off, it could genuinely change the game. It has been dubbed the “IPL” of Rugby and while it could bring more fans to the game, it could also mean even fewer fans supporting the 15 man code, which is currently doing everything in its power to self-implode.

The hypothetical game is played with six forwards and six backs each side, and plagiarises rules from both Sevens with drop-goal conversions, and Rugby League with differential penalties on scrum infringements, as well as golden point. Eight teams were planned for the first competition, with a round-robin format taking place across a week and each team playing every day. The teams would be drafted yearly, with an IPL influenced system that players hoped would let them cash in.

Chairman Ian Ritchie looking like every other Rugby executive ever

Chairman Ian Ritchie looking like every other Rugby executive ever

 

In theory, this all sounds great, more money to players, more footy for fans and most importantly more exciting footy. Unfortunately for the executives and the British financial consortium backing the concept, World Rugby has decided that an already packed schedule, as well as a lack of cooperation with unions and clubs, means that 12s will never become a reality. There are also concerns over player welfare within the new tournament, with short turnarounds added to the strain of local, national and international competitions that players compete in

Fans around the world have expressed a complete lack of shock or surprise that this radical concept was rejected by World Rugby, who presides over one of the most traditional and old-school sports in the world. It would seem the old white men in charge of Rugby are still wrapping their heads around the bright colours and fast pace of sevens, we might need a few more years before they can accept another different form of the game.

Representatives from the 12s tournament are still optimistic that they will be able to put on a tournament in August 2022, but they face an uphill battle against the vast majority of Rugby organisations around the world. After all, Rugby Union is an old-fashioned game, so perhaps it’s better that the 15 man code continues with barely a lounge-room full of viewers each game, than revolutionising the sport, selling out to gain more fans and losing the frustratingly true essence of the game.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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So You’re No Longer an NRL Player? A Guide To Your Options

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So You’re No Longer an NRL Player? A Guide To Your Options

by The Kicking Tee Dribbler

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Hi there!

Do you have no cartilage in your knees? 

Have you been getting paid $300K plus to truck nut every weekend?

Is your name Cade?

You must be a Rugby League player! 

And if you’re here, you must be starting to consider your post NRL career options.

There comes a time in every player’s life when they must make some decisions. If there’s one word that doesn’t belong in the vocabulary of the Rugby League Gods, it’s fairytales. The Morris twins never got one. Neither did JT. Hell even Joey, the Eighth Immortal was forced into medical retirement.

We can hear what you’re saying, ‘What About cAmERoN sMItH?!!?’

Well rumours are swirling in the afterlife that he had to broker a deal with the Devil to secure his Grand Final finale. And as a result he’s forced to front Adventure Kings ads for the rest of his days. Ahh yes, the Rugby League Gods don’t believe in fairytales. Instead they’d prefer to end your career with a direct to VHS – live on 9Gem special!

Now we understand this is a difficult time for you. A tricky transition into the world of regular people. If you’re a 3+ year Rugby League veteran and even the Titans and Bulldogs aren’t returning your calls then we are here (in support) to deliver you an uncomfortable truth.

It’s over. 

Your NRL career that is done! 

But don’t cry. There are plenty of other great options for you! And we’ve collated them all in this handy guide!

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Super League

What if we told you there’s an incredible place… That’s overseas! It pays you well and you don’t even have to learn a new sport. In fact most of your former City vs Country team mates are already there…

Welcome to the SUPER LEAGUE! 

Now I know what you’re saying, ‘Isn’t that the final resting place for Rugby League careers?’.

Bevan French, Lachlan Coote, Aiden Sezer. Do these sound like the names of washed up Rugby League players to you? Hell even Blake Austin is over there! Remember him? He almost made the Blues Origin side a few years back when everyone was injured.

Trust us, it’s a magical place. Just like a superhero film there’s this award called a “Man of Steel’. Think of it like a colder, more boring version of Canberra. And hey, if you play your cards right and are willing to learn some French, you could even end up in the South of France enjoying crumpets with Jimmy Maloney and Sam Kasiano! Even Mitchy Pearce might join ya! You guys can split an Uber to the airport.

Look, all we’re saying is it’s an option to consider. So if some bloke with a Game of Thrones accent calls you from a place called Leeds, we reckon you should answer! The crumpets are delicious.

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Rugby

Okay so you’re no longer good enough/headline worthy enough to be a weekly NRL player. Or maybe your political views are a little too red hot for God’s winter game. And if there’s an off chance you tossed a bit of Gilbert in your private school upbringing, then this next option isn’t so much of a jump.

Are you a winger? Do you like long lunches? Do you enjoy wearing tan chinos and RM Williams?

Welcome to RUGBY!

Now the game is pretty similar to be honest. But there’s a few key differences we need to clue you in on. Most of the blokes you’ll be tackling will have gone to University, whilst we expect Goulburn TAFE is still hitting you up about paying for your Cert II Automotive Mechanic degree. You’ll find Rugby fans a little more polite, well spoken in fact. And you might have to wear gold. Although not likely.

There’s an illustrious list of dual code internationals that you can model your transition off. Lote Tuquiri, Timana Tahu, Israel Fo… actually fuck that guy! 

All we’re saying is there’s some greats that made the switch and you can too! Now you can’t be too picky. You might have to learn how to correctly pronounce ‘Konnichiwa’ if you head directly north to Japan. But the noodles are delicious. And Gehamat Shibasaki is there. And we’re told Craig Wing loved his time at the Kobelco Steelers. 

You could also head south, Benji enjoyed running water down at the Auckland Blues. And Sonny Bill made a career out of switching between ruck n’ mauls and play the balls. Hey, play your networking cards right at the many pretentious long lunches hosted by boater hat private school types, you might even up in a career in banking! How’s that sound Fergo?

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Media Personality

Oooh so you’re got some personality? And by personality we mean you can string more than two sentences together and have a track record for acting up as a ‘Naughty Boy’ media darling in post match interviews. 

Welcome to your new career as a MEDIA PERSONALITY!

Obviously flick between Nine, Fox, Triple M or Grandstand, it’s easy to see this path is well worn. Even without the backing of a major news network, you can quite easily make a career for yourself. Ever heard of ‘Bloke in a Bar’?!

We do have some tips for making the transition seamless. We recommend getting in early, play the ‘Benji & Cronk strategy’ and get yourself on the panel shows as regularly as possible. Or utilise the ‘Sam Thaiday Method’ and strip down to your Budgy Smugglers at every occasion. All we’re saying is it can be done. Just display lots of ‘Channel 9 Goofball’ humour and offer as little constructive in-game commentary as possible. If Corey Parker can make a career out of trademarking the term ‘Middle Third!’, so can you!!

Just don’t go sleeping around with a High Five singer when you merge into the stage musical sphere. Otherwise you’ll end up in the broadcasting purgatory of Channel 7 just like Beau Ryan.

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The Tigers

Now we get it, all of the above seems like a whole lot of life admin. They involve passports, new sports or force you to spend time with Kenty. If you’re a player who feels sometimes life’s easier when you take the simple road…

Welcome to THE TIGERS!

Now they’ll be some plumbers in the world who’ll welcome you with open arms. Blokes like ‘Ironside’ who’ll tell you the Tigers are a “real” NRL club with “history”. Sorry to disappoint but your new home is the equivalent of moving to Div 4 community league, you just haven’t been kicked out of the Telstra Premiership yet. But it’ll happen.

You’ll be lining up alongside the who’s who of NRL players well beyond their twilight! There’s Alex Twal, James Roberts, even the Leilua brothers! The coach is this fun guy called Madge (don’t worry, we don’t think he’ll be there for long). And if you’re lucky you might even get to appear on a Netflix special!

Welcome to the DMC Tigers, we know you’re gonna love it!

So that’s it, that’s your options. Go forth and conquer the world! 

Now if any of the above doesn’t tickle your fancy and you’re more interested in the quiet life, you can always go buy a pub or a Muffin Break franchise somewhere in the quieter suburbs of Australia. Hey, Tonie Carrol might even sell you a house!

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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Can Quade Cooper Save The Wallabies With His Rugby League Spirit?

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Can Quade Cooper Save The Wallabies With His Rugby League Spirit?

DYOR Dave

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It doesn’t take a tree specialist to know that the Wallabies are well and truly rooted. With another Bledisloe loss behind us, and the Rugby Championship well out of reach, we’re now playing to restore dignity, first against current world champions South Africa, then Argentina. In one final roll of the dice to salvage some sort of pride, the selectors have recalled Quade Cooper, as they look to recreate the days where Australia could actually compete in International Rugby.

The man who was refused Australian citizenship will don the #10 jersey tonight against the Springboks, and many dribblers see this as a step in the right direction for the struggling code. No one is under the impression that the 33-year-old is going to miraculously turn a steaming pile of garbage into Modigliani masterpiece, but the selection of Cooper hopefully signifies Rugby Australia’s new shift towards more Rugby League tendencies, a shift that has been recommended by the strategists at Hello Sport for eons.

It has long been said that Rugby Union is lacking in the areas that Rugby League has in abundance. Scallywag behavior, a tendency for violence and throbbing young hot boys with a killer step and a sneaky flick pass have all been features of Rugby League that have helped it become the most popular sport in the best parts of the nation. Quade is the embodiment of all of these qualities, and in another life, would have made a damn fine Rugby League Footballer.

In 2009, just as Quade’s stocks were rising and he was entrenching himself into the Wallabies team, he showed the first signs that the Rugby League spirit flowed through his veins. In a scandal that would have looked out of place anywhere besides the NRL, Cooper allegedly stole two laptops from a Gold Coast residence, while under the influence of sleeping pills. Quade had announced himself as a rare commodity in the world of Rugby Union.

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If his slick on-field skills didn’t already make him stand out in the gold jersey, then his off-field behaviour was going to make sure of it. Cooper has had his fair share of dalliances with some of Australia’s most sought-after women, including 3-time Olympic Gold Medallist Stephanie Rice. Rice herself came under fire in 2010 for a homophobic tweet in which she referred to the Springboks as “faggots,” but alas the relationship didn’t last, with Quade unceremoniously kicked out of a pub on Stradbroke Island just days after their breakup.

After the high-profile split, Cooper went on to date bikini model Ellie Mcleod and former Miss Universe Australia, Laura Dundovic. It’s fair to say Cooper was punching above his weight in the relationship game, but just as any true rugby league footballer would, Quade decided he’d enter the world of boxing. Thanks to his agent Khoder Nasser, Quade fought on the undercards of Sonny Bill Williams and Anthony Mundine, and earned himself a record of 3-0 all by knockout.

If you’re not already convinced that Quade Cooper is a League player in a Union Players body, how about the fact that he came very close to signing with the Eels for $1.5 million in 2011. It was also reported that he came close to joining the Storm in 2008. Clearly Quade is a unique force in the world of Rugby Union, and bringing him back into the team has already proved a masterstroke, creating narrative, drama and excitement in what would have otherwise been another stale and deflating Wallabies loss.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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Union Dribbler Going Mad in Lockdown Picks his NRL XV to Beat the Wallabies

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Rugby Union Dribbler Going Mad in Lockdown Picks his NRL XV to Beat the Wallabies

by The Emerald Dribbler

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As Australian rugby wallows in the doldrums of yet another Bledisloe series loss, even the most rusted-on Wallabies fan can’t help to think: “Is this really the best we’ve got?”

Never in history has the national team lacked world-class talent and celebrity. For the first time in the professional era, the Wallabies are completely bereft of household names. As your Dad recounts the famous efforts of Horan, Lynagh, Eales, Larkham, Gregan, Pocock and Beale, your Mum squints at the TV and has to ask you: “Who on earth is Len Ikitau and Andrew Kellaway?”

In complete contrast, the NRL has never appeared more dominant in Australia’s rugby football landscape. It’s on your TV 4 nights a week, and State of Origin remains the highest rating sports program every year. For the cross-code fan, the frustration at the state of Australian rugby grows more intense when each weekend we see freakishly talented footballers, dozens of whom could change the fate of rugby union in Australia, if they were to cross codes. To visualise this, I’ve had a crack at naming The Ultimate NRL Rugby Union Cross-Over XV.

A few points to consider:

  • Some positions in rugby league aren’t as easily translated to the 15-man game. A rugby league body designed for 150m and 30 tackles is not entirely suited to pack down in a scrum. Therefore, most forward positions are picked “in theory”, based on the suitability of height, weight and playing style, with assumption they could adjust their body to suit the rigours of rugby union. 
  • Comparisons made are to help the dribbler get an idea of a size and/or playing style comparison between the codes, they are not an evaluation of talent. 
  • Little precedence is given to someone with a “rugby union background”. This team is based off how good they are at professional rugby league, not schoolboy union.
  • Lastly, this is an NRL-based side with no eligibility requirements – this side is designed to beat the Wallabies, not play for them.

The Front Row

Starters

Height 

Weight

 Comparison

 Prop

Junior Paulo

188cm

123kg

Sekope Kepu

Hooker

Josh Papali’i

182cm

119kg

Tatafu Polata-Nau

Prop

Jason Taumalolo

191cm

117kg

Taniela Tupou

Bench

Hooker

Junior Tatola

183cm

114kg

Folau Fainga’a

Prop

Payne Haas

196cm

117kg

Ofa Tu’ungafasi

Prop

Addin Fonua-Blake

189cm

118kg

Allan Ala’alatoa

In the front row you are looking for big round boys. These are typically the largest front-rowers; with body types that could transition into a scrummageable package. Paulo, Taumalolo, Haas and Fonua-Blake are 4 of the largest humans in rugby league and have comparable size to modern day union props. There could be an argument for Haas at 196cm to move to the backrow but there is a shortage of prop-ready NRL players so he fits the bill.  Importantly, the hookers are both shorter than the props and are already in prime shape for the position at 119kg and 114kg respectively. Both would pack a punch at scrum time. 

Locks 

Starters

Height 

Weight

 Comparison

Lock

Nelson Asofa-Solomona

200cm

115kg

RG Snyman

Lock

Tui Kamikamica

195cm

110kg

Lukhan Salakai-Loto

Bench

Lock

David Klemmer

198cm

116kg

Adam Coleman

Key criteria for this position: height. There are few players in the NRL reaching the desired 200cm for a rugby union lock, which creates a threat at the lineout. Nelson is the longest bloke in the NRL and he’s also a scary bastard of similar ilk to current Springbok, RG Snyman. Tui is a bit shorter at 195cm but would provide a bit of grunt – and we are not disadvantaged height-wise with more lineout options in the backrow. Finally, David Klemmer at 198cm makes the squad despite his poor NRL form. At his best he has a big engine that is capable of running into and putting shots on blokes for 80 minutes. Expect to see these three pick their weight up to around 120kg to be more effective at scrum time. Honourable mentions to Shaun Lane (198cm) and Christian Welch (195cm).

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Backrow

Starters

Height 

Weight

 Comparison

Blindside Flanker

Tino Fa’asuamaleaui

197cm

112kg

Jerome Kaino

Openside Flanker

Victor Radley 

182cm

92kg

Fraser McReight

Number Eight

Villiame Kikau

195cm

119kg

Radike Samo

Bench

Backrower

David Fifita

186cm

107kg

Ardie Savea

Probably the hardest positions to pick consider the abundance of applicable talent. Nearly every rugby league forward could “in theory” make a transition to the backrow. Tino gets a nod at blindside flanker, he already has a rugby league workrate with a ready-built frame and with the extra height he is a lineout option. Victor the Inflictor is currently undersized for the 7 spot but his style of play screams of a pilfering mongrel openside who will be in the face of the opposition all day. Big Bill Kikau is the running option off the back of the scrum. David Fifita secures the bench spot – his size dictates that he could play all 3 positions and would provide huge impact off the bench. Mentions to Campbell-Gillard, Arrow, Jurbo, Cam Murray (between him or Victor), and Tyson Frizell.

HALVES

Starters

Height 

Weight

 Comparison

Scrumhalf

Api Koroisau

172cm

88kg

Aaron Smith

Flyhalf

Nathan Cleary

182cm

92kg

Dan Carter

Bench

Scrumhalf

Reed Mahoney

172cm

86kg

Conor Murray

Flyhalf/Inside Centre

Cameron Munster

185cm

89kg

Carlos Spencer

The rugby league hooker position does not perfectly translate to the rugby union scrumhalf. While distributing the ball from the back of the ruck remains a core skill, some extra weight is applied to a kicking game and being able to play-make in unstructured play. Therefore, a league hooker with a halves background may benefit. In this case arguably the two best passing and kicking hookers in Api Koroisau and Reed Mahoney get a run. Cook missed out without a long passing game, while Grant and the Hectic Cheese are bigger bodies styled for ball running.

Nathan Cleary is the clear favourite at flyhalf. He is an incredible talent in all forms of playmaking. He is a threat when taking the ball to the line himself, with his short and long passing game and with the boot. He’d be a welcome reliable kicker off the tee, too. Cam Munster is the mercurial option off the bench who could also plug in to inside centre or fullback. Cody Walker and Jahrome Hughes also get a shout.

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CENTRES

Starters

Height 

Weight

Rugby Union Comparison

Inside Centre

Latrell Mitchell

193cm

102kg

Ma’a Nonu

Outside Centre

James Tedesco

184cm

95kg

Adam Ashley-Cooper

Bench

Centre

Kotoni Staggs

185cm

95kg

Malakai Fekitoa
         

This is a centre pairing to really get the tongues wagging. Inside centre in union is perhaps the most flexible of positions as the style of your backline is often determined by who plays there. For example, a second flyhalf like Matt Giteau funnels attack wider, quicker, whereas a Samu Kerevi 12 is looking to bend the defensive line in midfield before finding gaps on the edges. Latrell for all his shortcomings is a one-of-a-kind talent capable of playing multiple positions in rugby league and capable of a ripping an opposition team apart in multiple ways. Trell can do it all – he can run over you, pass like a five-eighth and kick like a half. 

Teddy has been shifted to the centres here to take advantage of his elite running game and searing pace. I can’t imagine a player better suited to scything through gaps created by Trell and Cleary and he is also a smart defender which would assist in a traditionally difficult position to defend. 

Due to the make-up of this team, where fullback and wing can be easily covered, Kotoni Staggs is a smokey to run off the bench at 12 or 13. Would love to see his devastating running game in extra space. Mentions to Joey Manu and Justin Olam.

OUTSIDE BACKS

Starters

Height 

Weight

Rugby Union Comparison

Wing

Brian To’o

176cm

102kg

Joe Rokocoko

Wing

Kalyn Ponga

184cm

92kg

Nehe Milner-Skudder

Fullback

Tom Trbojevic

194cm

102kg

Israel Folau

The fullback debate was centred around Turbo, Ponga and Teddy. Turbo answered this question most easily: Whose hands do you want the ball in most often? He is a linebreak threat from anywhere on the field, safe under the high ball and without doubt the form player of the NRL. He can play make and he has a solid kicking game. Rugby union prodigy Ponga is a tad unlucky but nabs a spot on the wing where he can still be a threat in the wider areas. The ying to Ponga’s yang is Brian To’o, who together can operate a traditional blindside/openside wing combination, with To’o the line-bending option and Ponga as a passing and kicking option in the back three. Honourables to Maiko Sivo, Josh Addo-Carr and Ryan Papenhuyzen.

Let us know your thoughts in the comments or in the dribbles. Who would you like to see in rugby union?

FULL XV

Starting XV

Height 

Weight

Bench

Height 

Weight

1

Junior Paulo

188cm

123kg

16

Junior Tatola

183cm

114kg

2

Josh Papali’i

182cm

119kg

17

Payne Haas

196cm

117kg

3

Jason Taumalolo (C)

191cm

117kg

18

Addin Fonua-Blake

189cm

118kg

4

Nelson Asofa-Solomona

200cm

115kg

19

David Klemmer

198cm

116kg

5

Tui Kamikamica

195cm

110kg

20

David Fifita

186cm

107kg

6

Tino Fa’asuamaleaui

197cm

112kg

21

Reed Mahoney

172cm

86kg

7

Victor Radley 

182cm

92kg

22

Cameron Munster

185cm

89kg

8

Villiame Kikau

195cm

119kg

23

Kotoni Staggs

185cm

95kg

9

Api Koroisau

172cm

88kg

        

10

Nathan Cleary (GK)

182cm

92kg

        

11

Brian To’o

176cm

102kg

        

12

Latrell Mitchell

193cm

102kg

        

13

James Tedesco (VC)

184cm

95kg

        

14

Kalyn Ponga

184cm

92kg

        

15

Tom Trbojevic

194cm

102kg

        
               

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The Kicking Tee Dribbler Analyses Noah Lolesio’s Bledisloe Bedshit

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The Kicking Tee Dribbler Analyses Noah Lolesio’s Bledisloe Bedshit

by The Kicking Tee Dribbler

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Here’s a few things about Noah Lolesio and his inability to kick goals for Australia. Whilst I see potential, I also see a case of the classic Rugby Australia Schoolboy gas up. They’ve overinflated him before he’s put runs on the board, or balls through the posts so to speak.
 
The fact he’s already uploaded a ‘Goal Kicking Tips’ tutorial on YouTube whilst dishing up a 2/7 (27%) performance for the Green and Gold says a lot about Australian Rugby. Cadbury sponsorship or not, he certainly doesn’t feature in my box of Cadbury Dairy Milk Favourites.
 
I rewatched the Bledisloe Bungle and a few notes. Lolesio has caught a case of the ‘Townsend Creeps’. I wasn’t aware it’s so highly infectious but Noah sure loves to drag out the kick like a wet week. In his first two splays, it takes him 40 and 55 seconds respectively from ‘Ball on the Tee to Post’. In comparison, in the first kick he lands (albeit right in front), Noah pumps it under 14 seconds. A highly inconsistent kicking routine.
 
Now amateur kickers will argue “He’s right in front, he doesn’t need to take the time…”, but every great kicker sticks to their routine no matter the angle, the distance or the pressure. Watch Reynolds slot 11 goals for the Rabbits this weekend, his ‘Tee to Post’ routine is set in stone, you could set your watch to it.
 

 

Second point, weather conditions. There was a heavy north-easterly wind at Eden Park (See flags). Now in Lolesio’s first few misses, he breaks the golden ‘Adam Douehi Rule’ of goal kicking. COMPENSATE!! The circumference of a Rugby ball is wider, it’s true that a Gilbert has more girth. To use a food analogy, I liken a Steeden to a Bakers Delight Finger Bun, whilst a Gilbert is like a Croissant, it’s got a bit of puff through the middle. As such it’s less stable, so once the ball reaches the peak height of its crescent on Noah’s first kick, the wind lifts the Gilbert right and he misses another one for the country. He needed to compensate for the weather conditions.
 
In conclusion, this time last year I offered up some Pro-Bono work to Rhys Hodge and RA to fix their Bledisloe kicking woes. Clearly, Hodge and the Wallabies were too busy dining corporate lunches and missing goals because I never heard back. So quite frankly as far as I’m concerned, the Wallabies can suffer through another excruciating loss this weekend (it’s on 9Gem btw). I’ll be tuning into the diligence and craft of Croker and Reynolds, as they collectively notch themselves up a few more rungs on the all-time Rugba Leeg point scorer list.
 
Hazem El Magic Forever
Premature YouTube Never

 

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PSA: The Wallabies are Playing Tonight

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PSA: The Wallabies are Playing Tonight

DYOR Dave

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Rugby Australia faces tremendous hardships, from losing young throbbers to more popular codes, to CEO’s illegally chartering superyachts across borders to get to games. It’s no wonder then, that they have struggled to get the word out about the current test series against France.

Hello Sport has always been a charitable organisation, so we thought we’d help out to spread the message that International Rugby is actually still happening in Australia.

Tonight’s match in Brisbane is the last of three tests and is the series decider. Game one saw one of the all time great bedshits as France coughed up the ball from a lineout with less than ten seconds left, allowing the wallabies to charge forward and earn a penalty that would win them the game.

In game two, France managed to clean their bedsheets and hold their nerve to grab the lead from Australia in the last five minutes and send the series to a decider.

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While the familiar faces may be few and far between for the average observer, there’s still a few throbbers to look out for that’ll give the Wallabies their best chance of winning.

Michael Hooper is still leading the way, providing the mongrel and consistently putting in the hard yards. Marika Koroibete has been the shining light in the backs, getting involved in the middle of the field and never shying away from a hit or a ruck. Hunter Paisami has shown he’ll be a mainstay in the team for years to come.

So if you’d prefer not to watch the Storm demolish the Knights tonight, crack a bottle of Shiraz and tune into 9gem or Stan sport at 8pm to see the Wallabies take on the French in a blistering display of international rugby.

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I can’t name a single player: A Dribbler’s Preview of Wallabies Vs France

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I can’t name a single player: A Dribbler’s Preview of Wallabies Vs France

by The Eavesdropping Dribbler

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Maybe it’s the nostalgia of the early noughties, or my blatant ignorance of current affairs, but I still hope for victories whenever the Wallabies take the field. The golden men of Australia have in times past been the gold standard (pun intended) for rugby sides throughout the world. A dominant force that played expansive, exciting rugby, impressed in the stands and put numbers on the scoreboard.

I’m 28 now and I can distinctly remember Toutai Kefu scoring the winning try against the All Blacks in 2001 to win the Bledisloe and give our Captain John Eales the send off he deserved. Eales kicked the conversion and history was etched into the cup. What a time to be alive. I’m pretty sure I cried when we won and I can’t imagine feeling that way ever again. These were the high times for the Wallabies. A forward pack consisting of Stiles, Foley, Moore, Giffin, Eales, Finegan, Smith and Kefu were the driving force up the field and a lethal backline consisting of Gregan, Larkham (what a man), Roff, Grey, Herbert, Latham and Burke put the points on the board regularly. Matt Burke in particular kicked goals for fun, he was genuinely reliable between the sticks and was supported by Joe Roff who was just as capable. And then the bench had boys like Waugh, Walker, Flatley and Whitaker. That’s impact right there fellas.

Condensed, concentrated and distilled glory. Gentle on the pallet and a gift to the senses (via Fox Sports)
Condensed, concentrated and distilled glory. Gentle on the pallet and a gift to the senses (via Fox Sports)

Rugby Australia have a lot to answer for, it’s difficult to explain how the board could make so many mistakes so consistently and for such a long time. Frankly, It’s an impressive achievement to get so much success and fuck it off so completely in such a short time. But the money should be on the fact that the game is run almost exclusively by a shadow cabal of Ex-Players. It’s a commonly accepted fact that former players have too much say in the running of Rugby Australia, a business. If you’ve spent your prime years trucking nut and taking blows to the head then I’d say you are unqualified to speak on important strategic matters regarding operations of any institution. This is likely what led to the halting of funds trickling down to the junior clubs. Long lunches at Mr Wongs and parties of people sniffing their own farts and getting high on memories of times gone by have polluted the soul of our game.

No money to the locals means no advertising to the community and very few additions of fresh faced kids to the ranks. Alternatively, look at the NRL and AFL. Both spend time and money on recruiting youngsters to the game. Programs like Auskick have been a massive success and have caught kids like my 10 year old cousin who despite living in Sydney is a massive Richmond fan, damn turncoat. That’s how you generate future generations of quality, you need numbers coming in at the junior level.

I could speak on the prevalence of Rugby at private schools throughout the country and how they’ve been a bastion of the Rugby tragic. But don’t be fooled my friends. The accessibility of private schooling to the people is extremely limited, and if you think parents are sending their kids to private school with hopes of representing their country in rugby you are sorely mistaken. They’re sending them there to represent your kids in court and secure a section 10.

The supposed messiah, probably not though (via AAP)
The supposed messiah, probably not though (via AAP)

We’ve plowed through so many head coaches It boggles the mind. Robbie Deans was exciting until we shit the bed, then Cheika got the blood pumping as well until we ourselves were pumped. We’ve swung back to another kiwi in Dave Rennie and I don’t know how much he can polish this turd of a team.

So now we look to the looming Wallabies tour. We play France tonight. Can you name a single French player? I can’t. But that doesn’t mean for a second that I think we can beat them. Half our best players won’t be in the squad cause they all pissed off to Europe where the money is, and I don’t blame them. We have to beat this French team to get the ball rolling and we’re every chance of blowing that, such are the low expectations these days. This all rolls into the rugby championship/bledisloe. A win against Argentina would be nice. I think I can get my hopes up for that. I don’t even want to think about the spring tour in the UK. 

Things look bleak for the wallabies, that’s for sure. But a part of me will always be that kid parked 2 meters from the TV screaming my support for the green and gold. I’ll gear up for this game tonight and hope for the best. And honestly, that’s all we can do. Hope for the best.

 

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The Only 3 Reasons Izzy Folau Wants to Return to the NRL

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The Only 3 Reasons Izzy Folau Wants to Return to the NRL

DYOR Dave

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Here we are once again, at the crossroads between morality, religion and Rugby League, where fans who usually avoid politics at all costs are now thrust into formulating opinions on matters far outside the realm of regular pre-season discussion.

There’s no doubt that Folau knows how to throb on the footy field, but his off-field actions and outdated beliefs have unanimously been criticised for having no place in our multicultural and modern game.

However, all this discussion about whether he should be allowed to play appears to ignore one important question. Why does Folau want to join an NRL club? And what does this tell us about his current religious beliefs?

Folau famously caused a controversial stir which saw his exit from Rugby Union after he posted an instagram photo showcasing his belief that drunks, homosexuals, adulterers, liars, fornicators, thieves, atheists and idolaters are all destined for hell. 

Why then, would he want to return to a league that is internationally renowned for being a breeding ground for drunks, adulterers, fornicators and liars? 

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This leaves only three possibilities about his true intentions of returning to the league:

The first, and simplest is that Folau has ditched his religious beliefs, and seen the light that the one true deity worth worshipping is Saint Peter V’landys, son of Christ and Grandson of God. This would make sense as Folau may be rejoining the league to repent for his sins to SPVL, and redeem himself through on-field throbbing and off-field observance to Saint Peter’s commandments.

The second possibility is that Folau is drunk on righteousness, and believes he is the man destined to convert players and bring religious adherence to the sport. If this is the case, we wish him the best of luck and look forward to what will presumably be a spectacular failure.

The third and far less interesting possibility is that Folau, much like many other rich and outspoken religious figures, uses his faith only when convenient to him, or to advance his own agenda. 

If this third possibility is indeed the truth, then not only would it place Folau in a moral position below that of many current NRL players, but it would also mean he falls into the category of a liar, which according to his own rhetoric, would land him an eternity in hell alongside past and future teammates.

Regardless of which is the real motivation behind his return, Folau’s presence will most certainly add to an entertaining season of the NRL soap opera in 2021.

 

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