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If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It! How Did They Manage to Ruin the Dally M’s?

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If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It! How Did They Manage to Ruin the Dally M’s?

DYOR Dave

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Last Thursday, the NRL announced they would be changing the format of the Dally M awards to spread it across two nights taking place one week apart. It seemed strange to make the announcement less than a week out from the ceremony, considering the amount of planning that would have taken place, but perhaps it was an omen of the horrors that were to come, as we witnessed last night.

If there’s one thing NRL dribblers know how to do, it’s complain. Incredibly, the Dally M awards have largely avoided the brunt of that criticism, apart from last years sci-fi hologram players projected into the studio. Minor aesthetics aside, the Dally M’s were a unique part of Rugby League that was universally enjoyed and revered, until last night.

What used to be Rugby League’s night of nights, something fans looked forward to as a feature of Grand Final week has been turned into another mind-numbing generic product from the tasteless faceless men in charge.

Previously we were treated to a suspenseful and exciting recap of the second half of the year, where players would rise and fall out of the top 10 as the ebbs and flows of the season took its course. Watching it would bring back fond memories and as the votes were tallied up, the suspense grew stronger. While the favourites were evident, young stars from less successful clubs would always peak their heads in, giving some fans a small seed of hope after a long dry winter.

Even last years Star Wars tribute didn't garner as much criticism as 2021
Even last years Star Wars tribute didn’t garner as much criticism as 2021

 

Thanks to the mistakes of last night, we now come into the actual ceremony in a 5 horse race, leaving no room for hopeful late charges by Jahrome Hughes or a surprising forward like David Fifita getting a top 5 spot. Besides, everyone knows Tom Trbojevic is going to win it this year anyway.

The other “exclusives” we were treated to last night included try and tackle of the year. Again, any NRL dribbler worth their salt knew that Manly’s try was going to win, but even so, those accolades while impressive, don’t really warrant anything more than an online post with a few lines of text.

We also got a huge reveal, the nominations for coach of the year. I can’t imagine the weeks of effort and deliberation that went into selecting the coaches from the top 5 finishing teams this year as nominees. What a spectacle.

It would seem the NRL has been sucked into the embarrassingly formulaic structure of reality TV shows that are basically just an hour of ads placed mid-sentence to build suspense while their latest excuse for a ‘reveal’ is teased throughout the show, only to not occur in the current episode and become a cliffhanger for tomorrow night.

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We’re not at that stage just yet, but what last night showed, besides a seemingly regular episode of NRL360 interrupted by people in formal attire, was that they’re playing into the idea that they’re ‘competing against tik tok.’ They’re ditching the traditions in favour of shorter, sharper more easily consumable content, evidenced by the preferences given to try and tackle of the year, as well as the shortening of the broadcasted Points tally from 10+ rounds to only 6.

TV has been known to cater to the lowest common denominator, but last nights showing almost made me want to flick over to 10 to watch the abomination that is the pinnacle of formulaic tasteless suspense, The Masked Singer (shoutout to Lote Tuquiri and Ben Lee).

The Dally Ms were a chance for NRL fans to feel a bit fancier, for fans who missed the finals, a chance to feel excited, and for everyone, a chance to be proud of the great game and the year that’s passed. But from what we’ve seen, it’s quickly becoming just another product made to sell ad space.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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Dribbler Suggests a New Phrase to rid our Game of the “Middle Third” Plague

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Dribbler Suggests a new Phrase to rid the game of the “Middle Third” Plague

by Joseph Murphy

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As many dribblers have noticed, the phrase “middle third”, mostly promulgated by rugby league greats and commentary snores Corey Parker and  Cooper Cronk,  has come to prominence in the rugby league reference book. Indeed, the words “middle” and “third” were used at least once in every 3 sentences during this weeks fox sports commentary. However, in this dribblers view, the “middle third” must die and be replaced. 

The middle third is of course a visualisation of the field split vertically into 3 equal sections. The middle third is typically dominated by the big boys of rugby league where the most nut is trucked. This makes sense, and is therefore boring. Of course, there is never any discussion about the remainder of the pitch, the realm of the rugby league flyer. You never hear of anyone streaking down the first third, or, sadly, the final third. It is a great shame that we’ve never heard Parker spitting into the mic as To’o takes off down the third third. 

Instead, this dribbler proposes a new phrase be introduced to the rugby league lexicon “between the numbers”, being the section of the field inbetween the painted numbers. This phrase serves many purposes which every great rugby league adage should; a person hearing it for the first time has no clue what is it means and it immediately has an opposing phrase for the rest of the field – “outside the numbers.”

'INSIDE THE NUMBERS'

 

Every good sporting adage should make no sense to the outsider. Being an uncultured Queenslander I’ve found myself at the Gabba (with a free ticket, of course) surrounded by AFL dribblers yelling “ball” every 15 seconds for whatever reason but I still respect the fact that they are yelling something. Field positions in cricket make absolutely no sense. Take someone who has never heard of cricket and tell him to stand at cover. Learning the nonsense phrases of a sport is a key aspect of becoming a fan. 

Rugby league phrases are mostly simple, as are rugby league fans. But we can do better. No longer should we have to sit and describe the greatest game of all with nothing more than “hit him” or just the good old “run!”  

Picture yourself at the pub watching the footy, your team’s run the ball in the middle 3 times, you turn to your mates and say “mate they need to stop playing between the numbers, move the ball!”  To anyone else, that’s complete nonsense; to you, it’s expert analysis. Or better yet, picture the reserve grade captain screaming at his team at halftime to move it “outside the fucking numbers boys” on a field that barely has a visible tryline. 

At the end of the day, this is just pure dribble from a bloke who is trying to distract himself from how shit the Broncos, very much a between the numbers team, have been. Say it if you want, it won’t bring Reece Walsh back.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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Who Should be the New Hosts of NRL 360?

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Who Should be the New Hosts of NRL 360?

DYOR Dave

dribbler360

In news that has shaken Rugby League armchair analysts nationwide, Ben Ikin has decided to leave his post at NRL 360 and will attempt to resurface the sunken ship that is the Brisbane Broncos.

This dramatic movement has left many NRL fans wondering which would be a more painful experience: trying to salvage the once great Broncos, sitting in between Kenty, Buzz and Hoops every week, or getting snapped in half by a fired up Jake Trbojevic.

While discussions rage on, we thought we’d float a few options for a new combination of hosts that might rejuvenate the show and bring a much-needed change to the Fox Sports team.

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Tom & Eddy

If there’s any proof that the head honcho’s at Fox Sports are out of touch with the Rugby League masses, it’s the fact that Tom and Eddy are yet to be given their own prime-time show. The godfathers of Australian sport have scaled the dizzying heights of the podcasting game and the obvious next step would be a show that could bring Fox Sports to the top of the heap in the analysis game. NRL 360 already contained an inordinate amount of unqualified opinion and unwavering bias, making the potential transition smooth and easy. After all, with heads of hair that strong, Tom and Eddy are wasted in the podcasting game. Those follicles need to be broadcasted nationwide for all to appreciate.

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Roger Fabri and Gus Gould

Be honest, who wouldn’t tune in to see Roger’s other-worldly sexual chat up against the stern-faced, old-school conservative that is Gus Gould. Gus may have seen a lot in his time around the game, but even he wouldn’t be prepared for the anomaly of Rog. There’s something for everyone here, Gus can bring in the old heads of the game that are disillusioned by the ‘nonsense’ of the modern-day footballer, while Roger’s status as the premier content creator on Instagram is sure to excite youngsters. Not to mention Roger could actually provide some legitimately insightful analysis on players running techniques, as well as his deepest and most esoteric desires.

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Israel Folau and Clive Palmer

The NRL may have blocked Folau’s return to the field, but no one is standing in the way of him and his financier becoming the hottest new personalities in Rugby League media. At long last, we can experience the religious crossover with NRL that fans have been crying out for, who wouldn’t be excited for weekly psalms and sermons with Izzy? Clive could single-handedly fund the show by showing nothing but ‘Make Australia Great’ ads every commercial break, as long as he hasn’t already spent all his money on court cases, the Titanic 2, or building animatronic dinosaurs.

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The cast of the mid-2000’s footy show (but still in the 2000s)

Ah the glory days of Rugby League television! Why mess with a perfect combination? All we need is Fatty, Chief, Sterlo and Matty along with maybe some chilis and a Vomitron, and they’re guaranteed a huge audience every week. Was their analysis any good back in the day? Who cares, it was television done right! They can even keep Buzz, Kenty and Hoops on board for some fun with the daredevil dudes, I know I wouldn’t miss out on the opportunity to see the look of pure fear upon their faces. We can even lend them the use of our Fatty Vautin gloryhole to truly bring the magic back to our screens.

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Albo and Scomo

If there’s anything that’ll motivate NRL fans to engage in the political process, it would be our two potential leaders going toe to toe over transfers, suspensions, rule changes and game management. Every Aussie knows the real battleground of elections is won and lost in the sports arena, so what better way to streamline the process than to pit these two against each other in the only competition that matters, Rugby League dribble. While Albo’s fanatical support of the Rabbitohs saw him fight for their readmission into the league in the early 2000s, his inherent bias towards them still wouldn’t rival the favouritism shown by the incumbent NRL 360 hosts. Alternatively, Scomo could provide far more impartiality considering he only began supporting the sharks after his pre-selection for the seat of Cook in 2007, that is, if he expands beyond his usual vocabulary of “If they have a go, they’ll get a go” and “I reject the premise of that question.”

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Big Tasty and the Tasty Boys

This combination may require a shift to the late-night time slot, but it would be worth it to see the uncensored, unintelligible and unmasked phenomenon of Big Tasty, Guava lover and Fumes. This rag-tag group of dribblers have cemented themselves as the kings of the dribbler hotline and therefore sit amongst a rare few that produce more dribble per capita than Buzz and Hoops. With extraordinary insights such as “Shaun Berrigan is the best halfback to play the game,” this format could reshape the way we think about the sport altogether. Line up a sponsorship with Guava cruisers and you’ve got yourself a program. The only difficult part of it would be to track down these elusive dribblers who seem to have withdrawn themselves from public life after their incomparable stint on the hotline.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site