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The 2021 Dribbler Awards

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The 2021 Dribbler Awards

Bradley James Kahler

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What a year it’s been; throbbers throbbing, magoos doing their thing and betas losing their wangs to alphas all over the world.

Before the awards start off we, as a collective group of punters & dribblers, would like to pay our respects to the illustrious XI and tip our collective caps to them.

We also like to acknowledge the glorious sponsors throughout the year. Really helps keep the lads at the top of the heap.

Special mention to friend of the show Denan Kemp, we hope you enjoyed your holiday but don’t you dare go away again. We’re still trying to get over the trauma of 3 weeks without Beak.

Biggest thanks of all goes to Hello Sport’s Tom and Eddy, of king of dribble and yarn fame, for delivering us a healthy dose of almost daily dribble. We’d melt without our fixtures and will do some sick, twisted shit to keep you boys top of the heap.

With millions of votes cast from dribblers around the world, these prestigious awards will be cherished by the winners for the rest of their lives, so without further ado, enjoy the 2021 Dribbler awards:

 

Meme Trend of the Year

1 – Danny Weilder of in the shot fame – 52%

2 – Wholesome Kempy Posting – 28%

3 – Birmingham’s Big Alpha Weight Loss – 11%

 

Bedshit of the Year

1 – Gateway 504 bedshit – 57%

2 – England losing the Ashes in less days than isolation – 27%

3 – Ronaldo Mulitalo Queensland Selection – 11%

 

Old Man Yells At Cloud Award

1 – Mr Mayo Buzz Rothfield – 38%

2 – Warnie on Fox – 38%

3 – Dean Bulldog Ritchie & his FPM/CPH count – 11%

 

Scandal of the Year

1 – Dragon’s microwave dinner party – 47%

2 – Lachlan Lewis eBay speakers – 27%

3 – Omo cleaning with Munster and Cheese – 9%

 

Golden Moment of the Year

1 – Boland 6-7 off 4 overs MCG – 41%

2 – Ariarne Titmuss & her pelvic thrusting coach – 21%

3 – Origin 1 live show with turbo ramming QLD into the earth – 10%

 

About Even Punter of the Year

1 – Tom Birmingham aka Greatest punter alive – 54%

2 – Sebastian Antoniou aka the bath siphon king – 25%

3 – Michael Pryde aka Rainman – 11%

4 – Eddy Simpson aka About Even – 8%

 

Magoo of the Year

1 – Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson – 68%

2 – Novak Djokovic – 9%

3 – Connor McGregor – 8%

 

Alpha Throbber of the Year

1 – Pat  ‘Ol Blue Eyes’ Cummins – 41%

2 – Turbo and his Tommy Knocker – 29%

3 – Emma McKeon 4 Gold 3 Bronze – 10%

 

Yarn of the Year

1 – Eddy with the Bandicoot yarn – 47%

2 – Kempy’s park ground & pound – 24%

3 – Tom vs spacer earring guy – 7%

 

Australian of the Year

1 – Patty Mills – 58%

2 – Denan Kemp – 23%

3 – Tommy Turbo – 6%

 

Wool pull of the Year

1 – Beak claiming to be from the country – 45%

2 – Beep test promises – 25%

3 – Burner account Sam “huge day” Davis – 9%

 

Dribbler of the Year

1 – Danny Exoticcc – 43%

2 – Roger Fabri – 18%

3 – KTD (Kicking Tee Dribbler) – 15%

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

 

Check out the Latest Hello Sport Podcast episode #328 – True Magoo

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2022 is the Year of the Punter and the Dribbler, With the Public Holiday Schedule to Prove it

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2022 is the Year of the Punter and the Dribbler, With a Public Holiday Schedule to Prove it

DYOR Dave

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Many people are looking towards 2022 as a continuation of the dystopian nightmare that has governed our lives over the last two years, but any dribbler worth their salt knows that 2022 is once again a monumental year.

It is, of course, the year of the punter and the dribbler, but this year is more than just your average year of the Punter and the Dribbler, as our Gregorian ancestors have generously provided us with ample opportunity to make the most of the public holidays and maximise our days off. If properly maneuvered, this year could be one of the most relaxed and stress-free years of any dribbler’s life, so here’s a handy guide to making the most out of 2022.

Let’s start with Australia Day weekend.

Take four off on January 24, 25, 27, and 28 and you end up with a 9 day holiday. Perfect for that last big summer lift before work starts getting serious. Everyone knows the year starts in February anyway. You’ve also got the Big Bash Finals for some light-hearted entertainment, as well as the start of the Women’s Ashes, where our girls are primed for another white-wash.

Next we have the ANZAC/Easter doubleheader.

Between April 9 and May 1, you’re gonna take every non-public holiday weekday off. This is a big one as it falls during the Good Friday, Easter Monday and Anzac Day period, netting you a total of 23 days off for the price of just 12 annual leave days. This month is packed to the brim with mouth-watering Rugby League, Rugby Union and AFL, as well as more than enough excuses to get on the blokes for our diggers and our lord and saviour SPVL.

You'll have ample time to practice your Two-up skills, as well as recover from your losses after

You'll have ample time to practice your Two-up skills, as well as recover from your losses after

 

From may onwards you’ll have to struggle through a full month of work before our great commonwealth nation blesses us with another public holiday, this time in honour of the Queen, as long as she’s still alive by then. (It could be the King’s Birthday?)

Don’t bother with any annual leave for this one, just chuck a sickie on Friday the 10th of June and enjoy a 4-day Bender to either commemorate the late Queen Lizzy or celebrate our new King Charlie. With a rain-bender almost certain, and quality matchups on like Storm Vs Roosters, there’s no better time to park yourself on the couch and take a well-deserved break from the 9 to 5.

There’s no way to sugarcoat it, but the second half of the year will be tough. Your only reprieve is the labour day long weekend in October, which will bring with it the monumental occasion of the NRL grand final. This weekend truly is the sign that we’re on the home stretch, and before you know it, we’ll be back in the silly season.

As always, you should already have scratched out December 28, 29, and 30, which leaves you with a 10-day break for the grand sale price of three.

Happy 2022, and be sure to make the most out of this, the year of the Punter and the Dribbler.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

 

Check out the Latest Hello Sport Podcast episode #325 – Covid Nangs

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Your Dribbly Guide to New Years Resolutions

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Your Dribbly Guide to New Years Resolutions

Intern Brayden

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It’s that time of year where hours, days, and weeks all blend together and your concept of time has gone out the window. As we close the door on 2021 many of us will reflect on the ups and downs of the past 365 days before we look ahead to next year. Most people will stick to the tried and tested (boring) resolutions, whether that be getting fit or reading a book a week, however, I’m here to provide you with some truly dribbly alternatives. These physical, spiritual, and mental affirmations are ones that if followed will be sure to morph you into the best possible version of yourself you can be.

 

#1 I will not refuse a come on – If you consider yourself a Punter and/or a Dribbler, this mating cry simply cannot be ignored. Similar to repairing your pitch marks and making eye contact with a handshake, this is dribbler etiquette 101.

#2 I will not eat more than 5 Ferrero’s in one sitting – As soon as it hits January 2 this one comes into effect. With 5g’s of sugar per Ferrero, the days of pounding 16 into the earth are doing a lot more harm than good.

#3 I will run a sub 12 (to scale) – This resolution is scalable based on your age with base numbers taken from an 18-year old, where every 5 years adds on 0.5 seconds to the goal time. With Tom claiming this was achieved in high school, he should be aiming for a sub 13/13.5 come the end of 2022, and following this formula should be something everybody is capable of working towards.

#4 I will not order a schnitzel with only one serve of gravy – If you truly want to change your life, you will try this and never turn back. Pour over your first serve to lube up your schnitzel, chips and salad and keep your second available for dipping purposes only, a luxury that was previously not available.

#5 I will not break any punting commandments – Dating back to 2000 BC, these commandments are the cornerstone of a punters life. So important in fact, that God even tried putting his own spin on them when Moses climbed Sinai. When we say ‘gamble responsibly’, that is really us pleading with you to hold strong and not waiver from any of these orders.

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#6 I will not create a burner account – The world is divided into two groups. It’s not males and females, it’s those with burner accounts and those without. Vale Sam Davis

#7 I will not instigate a fight with anybody with spacers – 2022 is the year to let go of any built up anger or resentment and be the bigger man. If you find yourself at your local watching some UFC and some bloke with spacers stands in your way, I implore you to keep what you have to say to yourself. As my grandmother said, ‘if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all’

#9 I will learn how to install child-proof window locks – It is most likely that the majority of us either have kids or will one day soon enough, and so this is a skill that will certainly come in useful. The last thing you want is for your future mother-in-law to make fun of your handyman skills.

Follow along with these specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timely goals Punters and Dribblers and I can almost guarantee that come the end of the year, you will have the body of your dreams, a flooding bank account, a smoking hot partner and mental clarity rivalling the Dalai Lama.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

 

Check out the Latest Hello Sport Podcast episode #325 – Covid Nangs

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If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It! How Did They Manage to Ruin the Dally M’s?

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If It Ain’t Broke, Don’t Fix It! How Did They Manage to Ruin the Dally M’s?

DYOR Dave

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Last Thursday, the NRL announced they would be changing the format of the Dally M awards to spread it across two nights taking place one week apart. It seemed strange to make the announcement less than a week out from the ceremony, considering the amount of planning that would have taken place, but perhaps it was an omen of the horrors that were to come, as we witnessed last night.

If there’s one thing NRL dribblers know how to do, it’s complain. Incredibly, the Dally M awards have largely avoided the brunt of that criticism, apart from last years sci-fi hologram players projected into the studio. Minor aesthetics aside, the Dally M’s were a unique part of Rugby League that was universally enjoyed and revered, until last night.

What used to be Rugby League’s night of nights, something fans looked forward to as a feature of Grand Final week has been turned into another mind-numbing generic product from the tasteless faceless men in charge.

Previously we were treated to a suspenseful and exciting recap of the second half of the year, where players would rise and fall out of the top 10 as the ebbs and flows of the season took its course. Watching it would bring back fond memories and as the votes were tallied up, the suspense grew stronger. While the favourites were evident, young stars from less successful clubs would always peak their heads in, giving some fans a small seed of hope after a long dry winter.

Even last years Star Wars tribute didn't garner as much criticism as 2021
Even last years Star Wars tribute didn’t garner as much criticism as 2021

 

Thanks to the mistakes of last night, we now come into the actual ceremony in a 5 horse race, leaving no room for hopeful late charges by Jahrome Hughes or a surprising forward like David Fifita getting a top 5 spot. Besides, everyone knows Tom Trbojevic is going to win it this year anyway.

The other “exclusives” we were treated to last night included try and tackle of the year. Again, any NRL dribbler worth their salt knew that Manly’s try was going to win, but even so, those accolades while impressive, don’t really warrant anything more than an online post with a few lines of text.

We also got a huge reveal, the nominations for coach of the year. I can’t imagine the weeks of effort and deliberation that went into selecting the coaches from the top 5 finishing teams this year as nominees. What a spectacle.

It would seem the NRL has been sucked into the embarrassingly formulaic structure of reality TV shows that are basically just an hour of ads placed mid-sentence to build suspense while their latest excuse for a ‘reveal’ is teased throughout the show, only to not occur in the current episode and become a cliffhanger for tomorrow night.

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We’re not at that stage just yet, but what last night showed, besides a seemingly regular episode of NRL360 interrupted by people in formal attire, was that they’re playing into the idea that they’re ‘competing against tik tok.’ They’re ditching the traditions in favour of shorter, sharper more easily consumable content, evidenced by the preferences given to try and tackle of the year, as well as the shortening of the broadcasted Points tally from 10+ rounds to only 6.

TV has been known to cater to the lowest common denominator, but last nights showing almost made me want to flick over to 10 to watch the abomination that is the pinnacle of formulaic tasteless suspense, The Masked Singer (shoutout to Lote Tuquiri and Ben Lee).

The Dally Ms were a chance for NRL fans to feel a bit fancier, for fans who missed the finals, a chance to feel excited, and for everyone, a chance to be proud of the great game and the year that’s passed. But from what we’ve seen, it’s quickly becoming just another product made to sell ad space.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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Charles Darwin’s ‘Seven Genomic Stages of A Dribbler’ Theory

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Charles Darwin’s ‘Seven Genomic Stages of A Dribbler’ Theory

by The Kicking Tee Dribbler

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Since the beginning of time itself, a few questions about the universe and its parts have long wafted in the air, left unanswered by years of philosophy and evolution. What does come first, the chicken or the egg? Did Adam Elliot birth his hog or did the hog birth Adam Elliot? Is the Dribbler born with dribble genetics or is the Dribbler taught to master the art?


As God’s winter game closes and I soak in the NRL finals for a second time as a self professed Dribbler, I’ve been pondering these very questions. After a few weekends spent within the confines of my local University library, I’ve discovered that the great Charles Darwin, (a longstanding Dribbler himself) in fact wrote a theory on the evolution of the Dribbler. I’m aware Dribblers are not often found amongst library shelves, nor are they gifted long attention spans so I’ve done my best to summarise Darwin’s Dribbler theory within seven simple stages.

I hereby present…

THE SEVEN GENOMIC STAGES OF A DRIBBLER

Stage 1: PD – The Pre-Dribbler Era

Whilst Darwin’s Dribbler Theory was in fact left unfinished, his early research suggests that a Dribbler begins to show symptoms of dribble from the time they first set foot in the TAB and front bar of the pubs of our fine nation.

It is from this marquee moment, the Dribbler begins to show early signs of their penchant to dribble. Whilst they have yet to discover the podcast, they obviously self-identify as the lippy bloke in a group of mates. They possess the worst on-field sledging in a local Div 5 cricket game. And they are the most often left unread in the team group chat. Before discovering the podcast, a Dribbler is unsure where and how to channel their energy. This is the Pre-Dribbler era and Darwin feared many were still left unmarked in the wild…

The Last Dribble: Immortalising those who lead the world in dribble and yarn
The Last Dribble: Immortalising those who lead the world in dribble and yarn

 

Stage 2: D-Day

Discovery Day. This occasion marks the day the Dribbler discovers the podcast. It can occur in a few ways. Often it’s a coworker or a team physio who pulls a stray Dribbler aside and whispers “Hey mate, I can see you’ve got a problem, there’s a place you can go. You can stay anonymous if you want, it’s a free service but I think it’ll do you some good…”

The Dribbler has probably spent the past 10 years melting their brain to the sound of Joe Rogan endorsing horse tranquilizers, so the suggestion of a new podcast is met with confusion and unease. However they decide to take on the recommendation from a trusted source and begin to seek out the HelloSport Podcast. And proceed to discover the world of the P and the D.

Stage 3: Hotline Bling

Darwin identified a clear 3-6 week gestation period in which the Dribbler becomes engrossed in the podcast. Beyond the Monday afternoon drive home, the Dribbler begins to seek out previous episodes and further channels for Dribble. It’s at this stage that the Dribbler dares to dream…

‘Could I call the hotline… Could I have a Dribbler name…?’

The Stage 3 Dribbler begins to practice their dribbles in the shower. It’s a dangerous time for the Dribbler, often unaware of the pitfalls that precede them. Past mistakes include taking on ‘The Disciples’ and calling the poddy as the Gatorbeug Dribbler, or being daft enough to call the hotline and ask, “Hi Tim and Edward, what’s your favourite hangover food…” Some key Stage 3 symptoms include making an entrance into the Ps Ds page, watching an About Even episode and googling ‘Where to Buy Punters and Dribblers Cap’.

Stage 4: A New Dribbler in the Family

We now reach the most common stage of Dribblers. Here the Dribbler is a weekly listener, a regular consumer of Blokes and they’ve even purchased the odd Doctor V or three. The Stage 4 Dribbler becomes increasingly active in the page. They’ve brushed up on their chops on Pixlr.com and have begun to photoshop Ricky Stuart causing Canberra’s very own Chernobyl disaster.

They’ve reached a stage where they are game enough to call out Kendrick (Love ya bra) in the comments or start a fight with an unprepared dribbler. They’ve grown a new leg of lippy behaviour taking great pleasure in typing, ‘TAKe ya LIcks!’ under any HSP Instagram post uploaded after a Famous Manly loss. They’ve probably purchased a shirt, maybe even a tracksuit and it’s clear that the Dribbler is lippy enough to stay for the long haul.

One of the worlds most magoo Dribblers:The Rock

 

Stage 5: Household Name

Darwin exposed that there are examples of Dribblers becoming famous for something, someone or a particular area of expertise. Most of these Stage 5 Dribblers have etched their names into halls of Baggy Green membership. Others have not… *ahem* Regardless, some examples of Stage 5’s include Danny Exotic ‘The King of Rack n’ Red’. The Jelly Shot Kid of St Peter Plaque fame. There’s ‘Ilso The Novacastrian’ who’s won and lost more letters than a game of Wheel of Fortune. Ironside The Plumber, The Shit Parramatta Dribbler, The Manly Dribblette, The Texas Dribbler, the Prince of Sharpie Pens ‘The Dot Point Dribbler’ and of course The Hans Zimmer of the Pod, Mr. Fiocchiaro.

The Stage 5 Dribbler has seen more than one winter and are old enough to remember the Moon Landing and what that meant under the dark days of the pandemic. When Stage 5’s see a block of tasty cheese in Woolies they indulge in a giggle as they remember Big Tasty and the Tasty Boys (Reach Out! For fucks sake, where ARE you guys!?) And whilst their Mothers, Girlfriends and employers couldn’t give a fuck about their self-appointed level within the Dribbler Kingdom, the Stage 5 continues to Dribble.

Stage 6: Friend of the Show.

We’ve reached the upper echelon of Dribbler infamy. Darwin identified Stage 6 Dribblers as Dribbler’s who’ve gone on to become more famous than the podcast itself. Notable examples include ‘Nudes Soon Bracey’, St Peter, The Rock, and Christian Welch. There’s Adam Elliot’s Hog, Kelly Slater’s voicebox, and AFL Commissioner Scaredy Cat McGill and his tiny slimy, slug-like piece. There’s Tonka The Dog, Rain Man, the Fuckwit with Spacers and that random homeless guy who gatecrashed the podcast and needed a lift somewhere.

Their aurora alone has gone on to bring more people into the podcast. And they sit high and comfortable in their affluent VIP Members Box at the DCG. The Dribbbler’s Cricket Ground.

Stage 7: The Final Dribble

Darwin’s final stage in the Dribbler evolution is marked when the Dribbler dribbles so hard they pass into the next life. I once asked Tom and Eddy this very question on the hotline, “Which Dribblers will be standing on the door at the Pearly Gates of Heaven, Bloke in hand welcoming Dribblers inside?”

The answer? Well, there’s a few, Gus and Buzz will be there. Charles Darwin too. Richie will already have a VIP table up the back in a private booth. Steve Irwin will be there and so will Shane. But the fella taking names, asking for ID’s and giving you a playful uppercut and a knock around the ears as you wait at the door will be the one and only, OAM and NSW Blues legend Tommy Raudonikis. And he’ll be pulling you a fresh, frothy Bloke and firing up the crowd for ‘Cattledog’ as soon as you get inside.

VALE Tommy.

In a year when we lost the great Western Suburbs Magpie and Newtown Jet, it seems fitting that Charles Darwin bookended the seven stages with a man who taught, coached, and inspired the art of Dribble.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site