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Absolute Dribble: NBA Week 5 is the Official Lebron Hate Week

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Absolute Dribble: NBA Week 5 is the Official Lebron Hate Week

by Joseph Murphy

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I think it’s the inherent jealousy of humanity that makes it so enjoyable to see the best of us falter? Maybe it’s something about seeing your own inadequacy in their brilliance that means you don’t mind when they’re taken down a peg or t1o.

Do you think when settlers discovered Canadian Redwoods they decided just to cut down a couple of the little ones since that was probably all they needed? Fuck no, they went and cut down the big bastards first and decided to make massive boats out of them – I think. So, when it comes to the NBA, there’s never been anyone bigger than LeBron, and after returning from injury LeBron has had himself a week.

The pile-on started immediately when Celtics bench warmer Enes Kanter, who has been very openly anti-China this season, posted a pair of shoes that contained an image of LeBron being crowned by Xi Jinping, in response to LeBron’s non-committal comments about China made during the 2019 off-season. Kanter then proceeded to wear those shoes in James’ return game, which the Celtics won handily. LeBron and Kanter have had their share of clashes but it’s mostly been one-way traffic: Kanter pulling classic moves like standing next to LeBron and yelling at him without making direct eye contact. I’m all for this most recent move, purely for the fact that it’s taken since 2019 for Kanter to come up with this.

Come his next game and LeBron is out there (unintentionally?) throwing bows and starting another shoving match. The most important thing I’ve learned from the whole non-event that was the push and shove was that Isaiah Stewart’s nickname is “Beef Stew”, and I’ll be sure to keep track of Mr Stew when he’s back from his upcoming suspension.

This all leads to the tantalising opportunity to pile onto LeBron, and certain media members who have made their careers criticising his every move are about to have a field day conducting frame-by-frame analysis of where LeBron’s elbow was and when. Just wait for some recently retired player who’s trying to break into the media come out and say “he’s a dirty player” to try to catch some attention. For my part, I’ll gladly join on this dogpile – Jordan’s better fuck you.

If LeBron has ever done you any hurt, this week is the time to get one back. Whether it’s about China, or Space Jam 2, or you just want to annoy some LeBron fans and say he’s old and he sucks now, I encourage you to join the growing chorus of dribblers in LeBron hate week.

 

Just try stopping Giannis

The Bucks are sitting in the 9th spot in the East, just above .500 with a 9-8 record. Some might call this a poor start for the reigning champions, but both Middleton and Holiday have missed games. Khris with an H is still looking a touch rusty in his return from COVID, yet to crack 20 points in the 3 games since his return. 

In that same stretch, Giannis has decided “fuck this, I’m not losing” and in his last 3 games is averaging 26 points and 16 rebounds, including a 32 point, 20 rebound effort in just 30 minutes against Orlando. That’s the NBA equivalent of scoring 5 tries in a half.

Defences used to try and force Giannis into taking his turnaround jumper outside the paint, which was one of his few weaknesses, often clanking badly off the rim. With his back to the basket, he could see fewer passes and if a defender could force Giannis to pick up his dribble they were much less likely to end up inspecting his nuts when he turned the corner and dunked all over them. Too bad for the rest of the league, but he’s hitting turnarounds now. 

In a small sample size, Giannis is good for 43% on his left-sided short-range jumpers and 46% at the elbow. Since Giannis made his leap to superstardom, he’s been a nightmare to give any space to since it just becomes a runway to the rim. If a defender needs to worry about guarding against a shot at the elbow then the man with the world’s strongest body is just going to straight-up bully them. Not to mention that he’s basically solved the “Giannis Wall” now too (where 3 guys would form a line across the paint and simultaneously defend him) becoming an advanced enough passer to hit wing scorers or spotting when the wall isn’t quite formed and busting through the gap for a huge dunk. 

I’m in the camp that Giannis doesn’t need a 3 point shot and if he could, just cancel the league. Maybe only Draymond and Kawhi could defend Giannis right now but if he could extend his game beyond the 3 point line the league would look like the 60s all over again when Wilt Chamberlain was rocking up hungover and scoring 100.

Someone is going to have to try some new gimmick against Giannis, because nothing else is working right now. We won’t see that until the playoffs since no one will want to give him a chance to work it out ahead of time.

 

I could not be higher on the Warriors

If you wouldn’t mind, it’s time to gush about the greatest team in basketball, if not world sport, right now.

It’s not just because Steph is the front runner for the MVP, or because Andre Igoudala has transformed from walking corpse to prime Iggy, or because Jordan Poole is the new young hot boy taking a leap.

Of course, Steph is the most obvious factor in the Warriors early success. In their recent win against Cleveland the Dubs pulled off a 35-8 fourth quarter to close out the game – Steph was directly responsible for 33 of those points. It turns out offense is pretty easy when the entire defence only pays attention to one guy. Big shock, Steph is the best shooter of all time, that’s nothing new.

What I can’t get over is the defence, which is sitting comfortably at #1 in the league. This is where Draymond proves why a guy who looks like he’s wearing a backpack when he shoots can get paid $24 million because he’s able to keep Durant scoreless over a quarter.

As pick-and-roll offense has taken over the league it’s become the habit of teams to switch everything. This invariably leads to teams hunting out mismatches on switchy defences, and highlight reels of centres being embarrassed by point guards.

That’s not to say that a switching defence doesn’t work, it’s just that it’s not as easy as saying “switch everything” and hope your guys can cover. In the Warriors case, when they switch, they keep switching. Whenever the Warriors are stuck with a defensive mismatch, Draymond, Igoudala or Kevin Looney are scrambling off-ball to replace the assignment, shutting down the advantage. Draymond and Igoudala are especially impressive, covering gaps in each other’s coverage without even speaking to each other, going on mental connection alone.

More than anything, Draymond is playing with the renewed confidence of a guy who knows his team is good again. He’s the absolute leader of the team, the voice you can hear constantly from the on-court microphones, even when he’s on the bench. He’s using that presence to keep the rest of the team engaged. Even when up 20 against Brooklyn last week, Draymond was screaming at his teammates like it was a game 7 after they gave up an easy layup. The majority of the team being relatively unscarred by the playoffs, and not being Kevin Durant and willing to talk back to the team crazy, are conforming to his ways and maintaining an elite defence.

I know some people don’t like Draymond’s antics, he gets away with genuine referee intimidation – even last game after not receiving a foul call he yelled directly into the referee’s face a good 5 times “CALL IT EVAN”. Obviously, I’m biased but I love how he cares so much about winning every possession that he is willing to make himself look like the worst guy in the league.

On top of all this – hey good on you Andrew Wiggins. The guy who everyone thought would be the face of the league within 5 years of being drafted has been playing genuinely good basketball. He’s not expected to do anything outside the system, which is perfect for him; he just needs to get to his spots and make his rotations on time. When he does that, he gets the ball in easy locations to score. When he does it really well, he gets to score a lot. It’s nice to see him pick himself back up after a rough couple of years in Minnesota.

As we head towards week 6 we’re sure to see just as much drama. We might even see a real punch thrown soon enough. If I could put money on it, I don’t know who I’d bet on to actually throw the first punch, but I’d like a market on the victim being Mason Plumlee.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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Absolute Dribble: NBA Week 4

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ABSOLUTE DRIBBLE: NBA Week 4

by Joseph Murphy

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To start with a philosophical point, the NBA might be the logical end of unfettered consumerism, and capitalism generally. During a time out in Sunday’s Clippers game, a member of the crowd was given $10,000 for arriving at the game 15 minutes early. The Clippers are doing this for every home game in November, giving away more money than I get paid in a year, just for punctuality. Meanwhile, all I’ve come home with from Broncos games in the last two years is heartbreak.

That’s not to say nothing happened on the court this week, that Clippers thing has just been stuck in my mind. This week has had its fair share of on-court action, including a tasteful shoving match between Rudy Gobert and Myles Turner, which saw Joe Ingles fly in and absolutely deck referee Ed Molloy in an attempt to break up the fight. The league certainly didn’t care about what Ingles did, as he was fined without missing any games.

That’s probably because Ed Molloy is one of the worst referees going around at the moment. My favourite Ed Molloy moment comes after a crucial no-call way back when Kevin Love was on the Timberwolves, giving the commentator an aneurysm as he screams “D’OH ED MOLLOY”.

I’m not going to suggest that Ingles had any intention of hitting Molloy, but you can’t convince me he didn’t scream “D’OH ED MOLLOY” on his way down the court.

Cole Anthony should be your favourite player

Historically, the Magic have been the kind of team you only watch if you couldn’t physically move from the couch and the game was already on the TV. Orlando have just come out of a rebuild where they drafted raw, athletic big men that couldn’t shoot for 6 years in a row and wondered why it kept going wrong. Now, Orlando is attempting another rebuild off the back of talented young point guards Cole Anthony and Jalen Suggs.

No one believes in Cole Anthony more than Cole Anthony, just watch one of his interviews. My personal favourite was last year, after hitting a game-winning 3 against Memphis, he began the interview “I do this. I was bred for this”, or when, without being asked a question he just started repeating “facts” and “shout out to the Magic”. That kind of confidence comes from his ridiculous skill-set, from him knowing he can step on the court, score 20 and give out 5 assists no problem.

Most of Cole’s game is focused on his excellent outside shooting, but he’s also ridiculously athletic. I don’t know how it’s possible for a 6 foot 2 guy but he jumps so high that it makes him look short, like he shouldn’t be able to physically occupy the space that he’s in. He’s all 3’s and dunks, explosions and fireworks. I want the Magic to do well now just so I can see Cole be interviewed as many times as possible.

 

Paul George has me feeling nostalgic

If there’s anything that’s true about the relationship between NBA players and fans it’s that love is fleeting. In a league with so much talent, it’s so easy to flip on a player when they do something you don’t like. It’s so simple to call a guy washed and move on to the shiny new toy when there’s a whole batch of shiny new toys every year.

Flashback to 2013 and Paul George and his Indiana team have just taken prime LeBron and the Heat to 7 games in the Eastern Conference Finals and have become everyone’s second favourite team. PG was tipped as The Next Guy, the LeBron Stopper, the future finals MVP. While he had some good seasons, ultimately those predictions all became true for his now-teammate Kawhi.

Since joining the Clippers, PG has had the full spectrum of experiences and hit basketball rock bottom when his corner 3 crashed into the side of the backboard during a crucial game 7 against Denver in the bubble. In that moment, the entire basketball world flipped on its former darling. Resentment had been building against PG the years prior, especially once he’d given himself the nickname “Playoff P” before immediately being knocked out in the first round of the playoffs.

Suddenly, PG is leading an overachieving Clippers side that shouldn’t expect to see Kawhi for the rest of the season and has me feeling nostalgic for the simpler times of 2013. He’s already had two 40 point games and even had 8 steals one night against Portland. He’s just fun to watch again: it’s like breaking out your old Nintendo 64 and firing up Ocarina of Time, it just feels right.

The Suns are starting to rev up

After a bombshell report was released about Suns owner Robert Sarver (who is allegedly a racist, sexist, terrible person), it was suspected that Phoenix would be enveloped by off-field drama, players being unable to escape a post-game conference without being asked whether they had been called a racial slur by their teams owner.

That article was full of bombshells against Sarver, who came back with some wild retorts via his lawyers. One that really stood out to me was him saying he had never used the n-word, because he’d once repeated the n-word after someone else had said it and been pulled up for it. I’m not going to pretend to be the world’s greatest lawyer but I think it’s a bad idea for your client to admit to doing the things they’re denying in their denials. 

Anyway, that situation isn’t so fun to talk about, especially when the Suns are on a 9 game win streak.

Phoenix mustn’t have realised games started back in October, which is fair since the schedule has been out of whack for two years now. Having not made the playoffs since 2010 before making the finals last season, the Suns didn’t realise the off-season gets a lot shorter when you keep playing until June. So who can blame them for starting slow when they’re used to a solid 5-month offseason?

Now that they’ve realised they need to win games to make the playoffs again, the Suns have made a job of doing just that. Even if it’s a small sample size, they’re playing fast, whipping the ball around in the half-court and sprinting out on the break. At age what, 42? Chris Paul has got this offence humming again and he’s never going to die, he’ll be in the league forever.

Phoenix look deadly and motivated by last year’s finals loss. The West is just as open this year as it was last, and the Suns have every reason to expect to be playing deep into the playoffs. In their next 2 games they play against Dallas, a genuine yardstick to measure how good both teams are, and there’s every chance their win streak goes out to 11.

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The future is now, young Cavs

(Authors note, I wrote this before it was announced that Mobley would be out 2-4 weeks with a shoulder injury, but I worked really hard on that Photoshop)

Going into this season, I wasn’t expecting to watch many Cleveland games. The Cavs looked frisky behind their lead guards Colin Sexton and Darius Garland (collectively, SexLand) but looked more like a building team hoping that number 3 pick Evan Mobley could develop in the next 2 or 3 years. I was completely wrong.

Mobley had some obvious defensive upside coming out of college; a skinny 7 footer that moves like a guard and can defend every position. That’s shown to be true in the start of his NBA career where he’s routinely shutting down possessions. More often than not, a guard will pass to the other side of the court just to avoid Mobley if they find themselves 1-on-1 with him and his 7 foot 4 wingspan, because fuck trying to get past that. Combine all that with his absolutely beautiful jump shot and his ridiculous playmaking and you’re in trouble.

The Cavs love a big game and have a habit of stepping up against better opponents. This may be teams underestimating them, but it’s encouraging to see them taking wins from Denver, Charlotte, and Boston, when they came back from a 19 point difference.

Cleveland are sitting 5th in the Eastern Conference, where they could stay for a while until the Bucks get healthy and Atlanta figures out the reason the same team as last year looks like they’ve never met before. They’re finally getting a taste of winning basketball after becoming an arid wasteland of basketball rejects post-LeBron, and they’re going to fight and claw for a playoff spot. Keep an eye out for this team, they’re going to have some more big wins.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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Absolute Dribble: NBA Week 3

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ABSOLUTE DRIBBLE: NBA Week 3

by Joseph Murphy

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Week 3 and I’ve figured out a title for this series. I had initially wanted to go with “Keeping up with the Terrorists” but I didn’t want to attract a readership interested in the movements of the Taliban, as well as the fact my employer knows I write these and wouldn’t feel great about me tacitly referring to crimes against humanity. Absolute Dribble also gives me an out, in the unlikely event I’m ever wrong – it was nothing more than Absolute Dribble.

Last week I was pretty critical of the Boston Celtics and gassed up the Miami Heat, who played each other last Friday. Boston took a huge win, holding the Heat to only 78 points with bone-crushing defence. You might say I had no idea what I’m talking about, but that’s not the whole story. 

Boston held a players-only meeting the night before their game against the Magic. My sources have revealed to me that Jaylen Brown read last week’s article to the team during that meeting, inspiring them to play well again. I’m told Jimmy Butler also sent a copy to the team group chat, making Miami complacent. If you want further proof of the influence of Absolute Dribble, look no further than Shai Gilgeous-Alexander hitting clutch logo 3’s against the Lakers. Speaking of the Lakers. 

 

The Lakers have handed the keys to their offence to a drunk driver 

LeBron will be spending as long as 2 months on the sideline due to an abdominal strain. Anthony Davis, whose joints are held together with bubble gum and paper clips, is due to start his usual run of 12 missed games due to some random injury soon enough. That leaves one remaining member of the Lakers alleged big 3 in charge: Russell Westbrook. 

I’ve avoided bagging Westbrook until now because for 3 consecutive years he’s started the year playing like an on-fire garbage can until suddenly working it out and averaging a triple double all over again. That’s been good enough to make it to the playoffs with the Rockets and Wizards, when he played alongside James Harden and Bradley Beal respectively, two guys who can comfortably be a primary playmaker. Without LeBron, Russell doesn’t have the benefit of another star who can carry the playmaking load until he starts to click. Take the ball in his hands and Russell refuses to cut or screen, effectively becoming a statue in the low corner of the paint. 

For all his physical talents and accomplishments throughout his career, Westbrook might be the single worst decision-maker in the NBA. Sure, he’s a 14-year veteran, a 9-time all NBA player and a one-time MVP but if you put him in a scenario where he needs to make a correct basketball play to win the game, he will do the exact opposite. 

Take your pick of any Westbrook’s late-game decision in Friday’s loss to the Thunder, where Russell pulled some of his classic moves, like driving into the lane as fast as he can and throwing the ball away, or completely forgetting who his man is on defence. This is a man who once left Tony Parker an open game-winning shot because he got confused that the Spurs jersey looked kinda like the referee’s and started guarding against a pass to the referee on the sideline. 

The Lakers will probably keep a winning record without LeBron and Russ will record a bunch of triple-doubles. Sure, you might (but you should never) have a few beers, drive on some empty roads and sneak back home unblemished. Once you get away with it a few times you think you’ve got it mastered, next thing you know you’ve run directly into a telephone pole at 100k an hour. The same fate awaits the Lakers should they be forced to rely on Russ.

Charlotte Hornets v Los Angeles Lakers

 

Big Body Boys getting themselves into trouble

I wanted to write about Philly’s recent run, putting together a tidy 5 game streak before going down to the Knicks in a game that Embiid was already going to sit out due to rest. The highlight of this run came in Chicago, when, after shutting the door on the Bulls with a game-clinching 3, Embiid turned to the jeering United Center crowd, throwing up a very intentional Jordan-shrug before waving goodbye to the front row.

Instead, Embiid’s immediate future is in doubt and he could be out for up to 10 days while covid runs through the team thanks to Olympic hero Matisse Thybulle. That’s not Embiid’s fault, but it sucks that he’ll miss games.

Having read that news, I decided to focus on the Nuggets, who’ve had a decent start to the season punctuated with some weird losses and a huge win against Dallas. Jokic is still in MVP form, leading the team in every statistical category and putting up the same if not better numbers than last year. At the time I made this decision, the Nuggets were beginning a 4 game home stand starting against the Heat, where they enjoy the enviable advantage of playing at altitude. Things looked great for the Nuggets and they had a big-league halfway through the 4th quarter. That’s when chaos erupted.

As Jokic crossed halfcourt, his arms above his head ready to throw a pass up court, he’s suddenly hit by known absolute-dog, Markieff Morris, who leads with his knee and his elbow, which he jams into Jokic’s rib cage. Jokic, a 7 foot Serbian who doesn’t like being hit in ways that could end his season, doesn’t take kindly to this contact and drops a shoulder into Morris as he walks away, completely folding him. It was an effort that fellow laundry-minded athlete Kane Evans would be proud of.

There’s a saying in law “he who comes into equity must come with clean hands”. It basically means don’t sue someone for fucking you over if you’ve fucked them over, but there’s a second part which often gets left behind, which is “let he who comes with unclean hands go out the back and throw”. I’ve got no problem with Jokic’s hit. Morris has a history of reckless fouls like this, stuff like throwing his feet under guys landing or pushing guys in the air enough times that he needs to be ready to get hit back. No one who touches my beautiful Serbian angel like that should expect to walk away uninjured.

Sadly, Jokic will miss a handful of games and a fine worth less than he earns in a quarter. This means that for the next week or so we’re going to miss out on watching two of the biggest guys in the league year apart defences with their overwhelming mix of skill and physicality.

 

Yes, Utah are great – so what?

Good on you Utah, everything looks great right now after another strong start to the regular season. Rudy Gobert hasn’t missed a rebound this year, no one can score on him and he’s even scoring at an improved clip. Meanwhile, Donovan Mitchell is one of the best offensive players in the league and Mike Conley is banging down off-the-dribble 3’s like it’s nothing, but what does all this achieve?

Look, I love this Utah team but I’ve been burnt too many times by them. As the founding member of the “Donovan Mitchell is better than Jayson Tatum Society” I have been super high on the Jazz’s recent chances of winning the finals on the back of their well-balanced roster, slick offence and at times impenetrable defence, which works perfectly, that is, until they get to the second round of the playoffs and fall apart.

Gobert was exposed on the pick and roll during last years playoffs and Utah had no answer defensively when Gobert was forced to switch onto a guard or move outside the paint. So far this season, Utah are just not switching and, credit to them, that’s worked so far. To be clear, they don’t need to improve, they just need to do it when it counts. Until that happens, I can’t have faith in this team as the contender they appear to be, because they’ll just burn me again.

Of course, you’ll note that I’ve avoided gushing over the Warriors, who have the best record in the league and the best defence in the league. I’m proud of myself for not spending 1500 words on why the Warriors throwback jerseys, which are reminiscent of the old 60’s jerseys, have allowed the soul of Wilt Chamberlain to inhabit Stephen Curry. I probably called it too early about the Dubs in week 1 as they’ve gotten better and more polished since then. Rest assured I’ll be ready to update you on Steph’s progress towards breaking all kinds of records this year – he’s only 89 away from the all-time 3 point record, give it a week.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site