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DYOR Dave’s Guide To Summer Cocktails

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DYOR Dave’s Guide To Summer Cocktails

DYOR Dave

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The silly season is well and truly underway and dribblers & dribblettes around the nation are kicking back, relaxing, and most importantly, drinking cocktails before lunch. Having just enjoyed a lovely and probably not very well deserved break, I thought I would help the punters and dribblers get into the spirit of summer with a few easy cocktail recipes that I’ve learned from my previous life as a bartender.

For these recipes you can put away the shaker and any other fancy tools that you may use to show off, these are for even the most clueless of cocktail drinking dribblers.

 

Tommy’s Marg

A common misconception, the Tommy’s Margarita wasn’t named after Tom Trbojevic or Tom Birmingham, but it goes down just as easy as a length-of-the-field try from the former or a piece of dribble from the latter. All you need is 60ml of your favourite tequila, 30ml of fresh lime juice and 15ml of agave syrup, available at most supermarkets. (Can also use Maple syrup or sugar syrup with equal parts sugar and water). Mix it and serve it over ice, then repeat 3-5 times as necessary.

The best thing about this recipe is its versatility, no Tequila? Use rum and you’ve got a daiquiri. Only got gin? That’s called a gimlet. It even  Pretend you’re an expert by making 3 cocktails with one recipe.

 

Pina Colada

Perfect for the dribbler or dribblette who’s not into yoga and has half a brain, the Pina colada is a creamy tropical treat that packs a punch with your daily dose of rum. Just combine  75ml of pineapple juice with 25ml of canned coconut cream and 50ml (or more) of rum. Give it a good mix and chuck it over some ice, you’ll feel like you’re on a beach in Jamaica while you’re drinking it, and after a few, you’ll feel like you’ve just spent a night in Fortitude Valley with Quade Cooper.

 

Espresso martini

Been sitting in the sun all day? Haven’t got the energy to get yourself up for the night’s festivities and not willing to splash a few hundred pesos on red bulls? Espresso Martini is the perfect pick-me-up after a long hot summer’s day. All you need is 30ml of vodka, 30ml of cold coffee and 30ml of Kahlua or coffee liqueur (Mr Black is my pick). Mix it or shake with over ice, and voilà, you’ve got yourself the grown-up version of a vodka red bull.

White linen optional, but prefferred in some areas of Sydney

White linen optional, but prefferred in some areas of Sydney

 

Lychee Martini

This one is sure to be a hit with the dribblettes and the dribblers who aren’t afraid of getting a bit fruity. Bars love to charge upwards of $20 for this cocktail which is almost always made using low-quality vodka and canned lychees from the supermarket. All you need is 45ml of Vodka, 60ml of the juice from canned lychees, 30ml of lemon juice and 15ml of agave, maple or sugar syrup. Up the quantities and make this as a big batch for everyone to share, it’s a guaranteed hit and is as smashable as they come.

 

Whiskey Highball

A Japanese classic, the whiskey highball is a great way to enjoy your favourite whizzo in a refreshing and easy drinking way, perfect for summer arvos. Just add 50ml of whiskey and soda water in a glass with a heap of ice and a slice of lemon and you’re good to go. If you want something a bit sweeter you can try ginger ale or Tonic water if you’ve got an Irish or Canadian whiskey.

 

Cuba libré

This is just a fancy word for rum and coke. If you don’t know how to make a rum and coke then I’m impressed you’ve been able to access the internet to see this article. Excite your guests by serving a tropical, foreign-sounding cocktail while staying true to the tradition of your mates. It’s easy to sound less like a bogan and more like a Caribbean connoisseur by serving Cuba Libre’s instead of a black rat out of a can. Add a slice lime for a burst of citrus and a touch of panache.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

 

Check out the Latest Hello Sport Podcast episode #325 – Covid Nangs

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How Do We Fix the Failing Experiment of Melbourne Bred Players?

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How Do We Fix the Failing Experiment of Melbourne Bred Players?

DYOR Dave

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The Melbourne Storm sit on the precipice of one of the greatest seasons of all time, with only three losses and a preliminary final berth, but I’m still not satisfied. After so many years of consistent success, one becomes critical and begins nitpicking tiny imperfections that hide behind the throbbing successful exterior. With that in mind, I’ve recently been troubled by the unfortunate performances of Dean Ieremia, and the fact that he’s the fourth Melbournian outside centre to debut for the club with disappointing results.

In 2012 Mahe Fonua became the first born-and-bred Melbournian to debut for the Storm, and was touted as an exciting prospect having been selected in the under 20’s team of the year in the previous season. While he had some impressive moments and was a solid fill-in, he never gained a permanent starting spot in the team, and ultimately resigned himself to a life chasing the Man of Steel, along with a brief stint at the DMC Tigers.

Richie Kennar and Young Tonumaipea were both born in Apia, Samoa before moving to Melbourne at a young age and debuting for the Storm. Their debuts were not as high profile as Fonua’s and the results followed suit. Kennar is now toiling away at the helpless Broncos, while Tonumaipea took a stint away from the game to complete a mission for the Mormon church. It would seem he found the opposite of enlightenment as he has now defected over to Rugby Union to play for the Rebels.

 

Another similarity shared between these players is their relatively short stature, an unfortunate trait at the best of times (I would know), but even worse in a state dominated by AFL, a sport that consists of about 50% trying to mount and jump above someone and 50% trying not to get mounted. Instead of the Storm investing in players who weren’t fit for AFL, they should be poaching young throbbers before the evil allure of the southern sport corrupts them.

It’s understandable that the Storm are facing an uphill battle in a state that barely pays attention to the sport, but as they grow into a dominant force as a club and a business, it’s time to upgrade the tactics. When I used to be a glassie at the Beach Road Hotel, I would scour the venue after closing time for leftover redbulls that had been lost by rowdy dribblers. As a young, poor scallywag, it was a great system and helped me through my formative years. But now as I’m older and slightly less poor, I’ve graduated to being able to satisfy my urge at the source, rather than settle for someone else’s leftovers.

Let me just say that I’m still a fan of Dean, Mahe, Richie and Young, but if Melbourne want to rule the development game as much as they rule the football game, they need to go bigger. Perhaps the weight of being the sole representative for your state playing in a team full of outsiders takes a mental toll that restricts the chemistry between players. In a team full of Queenslanders and Kiwis, the Victorians could feel ignored and excluded. If Victoria are serious about developing the game in their state, its time to start playing with the big boys, and converting AFL juniors.

 

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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DYOR Dave’s Guide to Jewish New Year

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DYOR Dave’s Guide to Jewish New Year

DYOR Dave

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After a year that seemed to drag on forever, we have finally arrived in the holiest month of the year, September. It’s finals time and cricket chat is starting to enter dribbler circles across the nation, it’s a great month to be a sports fan, and it’s also a great time to be Jewish. Today marks the first day of the Jewish year 5782, and Jews around the world are celebrating the festival of ‘Rosh Hashanah.’ The Jewish religion can be confusing at the best of times, so I thought I’d help the P and D understand the ancient dribble and yarn that has brought us this high holiday.

Rosh Hashanah, literally meaning head of the year, is said to mark the anniversary of the creation of Adam and Eve, which, according to Jewish maths, would have happened 5782 years ago, in 3761 BC. Based around the lunar cycles, the Jewish calendar is centred around the belief that in the year 6000 (2240 on the goy calendar) the messiah will appear to usher in a new millennium of peace and enlightenment. In the story of creation, God apparently constructed the world in the first 6 days of the week, while resting on the 7th, so just like the 7th day of the week is a day of rest, the 7th millennium will be an era of prosperity and harmony.

If like me, you’re of the Ashkenazi strain of Judaism (Eastern European), you’ll be treated to an array of traditional foods that include pickled herring, chopped liver, horseradish and gefilte fish. While I can’t adequately describe what exactly gefilte fish is because it looks like a cake made from different kinds of minced dog food, I assure you it’s not the species of fish. There are some upsides though, Apples and honey are a staple of the holiday to symbolise a sweet new year, and feature in cakes, pies, biccies and all sorts of treats.

Watch me try explain the holiday to the boys as they taste some apples and honey

 

Its not all partying, eating and dribbling though, with self-reflection and repentance playing a large role in the customs of the holiday. In the days leading up to the holiday, people will perform the practice of ‘Tashlich’ and symbolically cast away their sins by throwing bread into an ocean or a lake to cleanse themselves ahead of the new year. Perhaps this custom should be implemented before the start of every NRL season, so that each player could cast away the heinous sins of the off season and begin round one with a clean slate, it’s proven by god to work.

While the hardcore fans will be attending synagogue most days in the month leading up to the new year, the biggest drawcard is hearing the blowing of the shofar, a hollowed out rams horn that can produce a sound that’s almost as annoying as most of the channel 9 commentators. The shofar comes in

Rosh Hashanah is the first of the High Holy Days in the Jewish calendar, clearly piggybacking off the success of the holy month in Australian sport. Although my observance of the religion is half-assed at best, something about the allure of the High Holy Days really brings me into the spirit of the festival season, and while I’ll be avoiding most of the entree’s, I’ll be sure to celebrate in my own special way.

Messiahs soon

Gefilte fish never

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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What Was Life Like the Last Time the Wallabies Won the Bledisloe?

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What Was Life Like the Last Time the Wallabies Won the Bledisloe?

DYOR Dave

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Tonight, Australian Rugby fans will partake in the sadistic yearly tradition of watching the pride of our nation be embarrassed by a tiny country full of sheep and flightless birds. For the newer generation of rugby fans, this is what they assume the sport to be. Much like a fish may not know he’s in water until he’s flopping around on land, many Rugby fans simply accept this phenomenon as the only possible reality. Witnessing a Bledisloe triumph over the All Blacks seems as distant a memory as landline telephones or dial up internet, and just as a startled fish panics around in unfamiliar territory, sadly most Aussie rugby fans would be so unfamiliar with a Bledisloe victory that they would turn into a scared, confused, wet and slimy mess.

With two games at the fortress of Eden Park, it seems another defeat is inevitable, so I thought I’d attempt to jog the memory of the punters and dribblers, and give them a taste of what life was like before the dark dynasty of the All Blacks.

In 2002, you may have been on your way to the cinema to see one of the latest flicks including the first Ice Age, the second Harry Potter, My big fat greek wedding, or Adam Sandler’s Mr Deeds. If you switched on the radio you’d hear such new tunes as Nelly’s Hot in Herre, Eminem’s Without Me, Avril Lavigne’s Sk8er Boi and Nickelback’s How You Remind Me. Nickelback’s lead singer would go on to marry and divorce Avril Lavigne, all in the time it took Australia to lose 3 Bledisloe’s between 2012 and 2015.

Technology was rapidly advancing and people were now more connected and wired up than ever. Apple had just released the 2nd gen iPod classic, which could hold a whopping 20GB of songs with its click wheel and black & white screen. In other revolutionary news, the first phones with a built in camera were released, however the pictures were confined to MySpace and MSN, as Facebook, Reddit, Instagram and YouTube had all yet to be invented.

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In the sporting world, a young quarterback named Tom Brady had just won his first Super Bowl and looked like he had a decent career ahead of him. Meanwhile, Steven Bradbury just became Australia’s first Winter Olympic medalist in a feat of pure skill and hard work. Queensland retained the Origin shield after a drawn series that saw man-of-the-match performances from Alfie and Joey, while Lote Tuquiri bagged 5 tries for the series.

Looking back on this period with naive nostalgia can bring joy to even the most soured pessimist in our modern world, and a lot has changed since then. The population of New Zealand has risen by around a million people since the Bledisloe last left our shores, meaning there’s likely to be more than a million Kiwis who have never felt the crushing inferiority of losing at their national sport to a country that should be reminding them of their little-brother status. In Australia, we’ve seen as many Prime Ministers as we have Wallabies coaches (6), with equal amounts of success, while there’s around 6 million new Australians who have lived their entire lives with the Bledisloe Cup across the Tasman Sea.

So as we settle into what is sure to be another year of failure, one can only wonder if one day, just as veterans of the World Wars die out, there may not be a soul alive who can remember a Wallabies Bledisloe win. What will the world look like next time that cup is brought back to its home in Australia?

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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DYOR Rates his Childhood Xbox Sports Games

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DYOR Rates his childhood Xbox Sports Games

DYOR Dave

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One of the happier stories of my lockdown experience has been my reacquaintance with the 15-year-old console that carried so many childhood memories in its plastic casing. With another few months of lockdown seemingly inevitable, I thought I’d dive back in and try remember a time when I would stay inside and play video games because I wanted to, not because a pandemic forced me to. Obviously all these games are greatly inferior to the almighty Halo 3, but for the purposes of this article, I’m sticking to the sports games.

Don Bradman Cricket 14

Is there anything more satisfying for a dribbler than playing out an Ashes victory on impressively animated Aussie pitches? This game has it all, from domestic comps to classic teams and of course the option to play with the great Sir Don himself. I’ve never been one to spend hours at a time on games, but the enchantment of an entire Test series is too strong. With players like D Warren, S Waters and P Sial lining up for Australia, it may seem unfamiliar, but it still puts lead in the pencil. 9/10

Madden NFL 09

This game contains the absurd and infuriating feature of a ‘rewind,’ meaning at the completion of any play, you can hit rewind and it’ll take you back to the start of the play, undoing any progress made. Despite this feature making multiplayer almost unbearable, the game holds up surprisingly well, with guys like Tom Brady, Eli Manning, Adrian Peterson and Big Ben Roethlessberger all in their prime. 5/10

AFL Live

I have no idea how I came to possess this game. I can only imagine it was donated by a Melbournian mate as what I’m assuming is some sort of joke? Anyway, I don’t get it but I still haven’t played this game and doubt I ever will. 6/10 paperweight, 0/10 game

2010 FIFA World Cup South Africa

Have you ever been playing a regular FIFA game and thought to yourself, “I wish this had vuvuzela’s.” Well, this is the game for you! The narrative of world cup glory is an intense allure, as is the standalone penalty shoot-out mode, which is criminally excluded from regular FIFA games. Maybe it’s the inner South African in me, or maybe its that weirdly catchy Shakira song, but I’ll be returning to this one. 7/10

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Top Spin 3 (2008)

There’s something to be said about the novelty of playing a Tennis game with elite throbbers like Federer and Nadal, but that’s all it is, a novelty. After about half a game and a frustrating amount of lost points, it starts to lose its charm. Too late for Hewitt and too early for Kyng, this game brings nothing for the Aussie dribbler. 3/10

Fifa 12

Many gaming scholars subscribe to the school of thought that FIFA games unequivocally peaked in 2012, with every version after that only adding unnecessary features and complicated controls. Gameplay was simple, you give it to the wings, run up the side, cross in and score. None of this coloured bar and arrow shit for penalties either, its point and shoot, just as our ancestors meant it to be. 8/10

Wallabies Rugby Challenge

Rugby Games need to exist in a world where a Wallabies victory over the All Blacks seems almost as likely as an Eels premiership. For the mental health of Australian Rugby dribblers, playing out a World Cup or Bledisloe triumph is an essential service. This game serves its purpose with the added extra of being able to play in a team full of Jonah Lomu’s. Lead in pencil stuff. 7/10

Rugby League Live (2010)

The pièce de résistance of my collection. Freezing on average once every 3 games and with glitches galore, this game truly proves that beauty can be found in the most unlikely of places. With an illegally stacked Storm team including a throbbing Greg Inglis, it’s almost possible to replicate the huge results we’ve chalked up in reality this year. World Cups, Origins, Super League’s and even City Country games all wait to be conquered by any dribbler who can work out the handful of different plays that will lead to a try every time without fail. Its like playing an arcade game. 11/10

Rugby League Live 2 (World Cup Edition)

This game shaped up to be a vast improvement on its first iteration, with the addition of Career mode, QLD, NSW and U20 Cups as well as an expansion of the 10 different commentary phrases used by Vossy in the original game. It’s potential was massively let down by a completely unenjoyable gameplay that, despite its vast superiority in graphics and motions, is still significantly inferior to its predecessor. I guess I should have known better than to be seduced by the idea of International Rugby League. 4/10

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site