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Smudge shadow batting in full Australian kit on the eve of the New Years Test fills the nations flaccid pencils with lead

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Smudge shadow batting in full Australian kit, on the eve of the New Years Test, fills the nation’s flaccid pencils with lead

Tom

Smith Shadow batting

Safe to say that this summer hasn’t been what we had hoped for the Don 2.0 in Steven Smudge Smith. After back to back tons in the pyjamas of the ODI team the nation was wet with anticipation for what the Test series would bring.

I’m not going to re-line the atrocities of the first two tests, nor the blatant thievery of Smudge’s hands by Kiwi skipper Kane Williamson, instead I’m choosing to focus on the positives. 

Last night as many cricketers united with their partners after weeks and months apart were most likely on the job, our man Smudger was dressed in full Australian Whites with box and thigh pad shadow batting in his hotel room while his Mrs Danni watched on adoringly, uploading the footage to her Instagram story. To say that Danni Smith (nee Willis) is the most important person in Australian Cricket right now

 

 
 
 
 
 
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As a gambling man I’m constantly looking for omens, signs from the punting gods. This is one. If you haven’t already loaded up on Smudge to score a brave and famous tonne on his home ground then you’re probably not Australian.

Balkan Bulldog to tonne up as well.

Beers soon.

 

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

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Kane Williamson has Stolen Steve Smith’s Hands

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Kane Williamson has Stolen Steve Smith’s Hands

DYOR Dave

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It was the phrase that put lead in the pencil of every warm-blooded Australian cricket fan when it was uttered by none other than Steven Peter Devereaux Smith exclusively to Tom and Eddy of top of the Podcast heap fame.


“I’ve found my hands”

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
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After a less than arousing IPL campaign, Australians around the nation were both relieved and excited to hear that we were set for another summer overflowing with runs and test victories.

The signs were promising as Smith blasted consecutive centuries off 62 balls in the first two ODI’s against India. However as the test series rolled around and Smudge only mustered 10 runs between 4 innings, people rightly began to ask: Where the fuck have Smudge’s hands gone?

A nationwide search of land and sea as well as a nationally conscripted emu-bob unfortunately yielded little in the way of generational hands

 

Screen Shot 2021-01-06 at 3.31.54 pm

 

In a twist no one saw coming it has become apparent that Smith’s hands were in fact stolen by none other than New Zealand captain, Kane Williamson who is currently averaging 150 odd from his last 4 innings. The evidence is irrefutable. Smith posted his last century on the 29th of November, just four days before Kane Williamson began his run of impressive totals, scoring 251 against the West Indies before making 129 and 238 against Pakistan.

The three days in between Australia’s ODI against India and the New Zealand versus West Indies Test would have provided ample time for Williamson or a delegate of his to fly to Australia, swipe Smith’s hands and return to New Zealand, assuming this highly important matter was prioritised over New Zealand’s tough quarantine laws.

There have been attempts from the sheep shaggers across the ditch to wool-pull the great nation of Australia and put Williamson’s incredible form down to the recent birth of his daughter.

On the eve of the New Years Test, Australians remain outraged by this theft of international importance. If Smudge’s hands are not returned in time to pump the Indians, there could be massive ramifications for stability in the Australasian region.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site