Well, here we are. As we look back on the 2021 NRL season in the rearview mirror, we find ourselves in this awkward time before the summer of cricket where the punter and dribbler are yearning for some sport to yarn about. Apparently, there was rugby union on the other night, but honestly who the fuck knows. And who the fuck cares. This sporting hiatus leaves only one logical thing for a dribbler like myself to do, which is to cast my untrained and very unqualified eye over each team and grade them on each of their respective off-season’s. Extra mayo included of course.

Brisbane Broncos B+

There’s something brewing north of the border. As any Broncos fan will attest to, it’s been a hard slog the last couple of years as they have descended in dramatic fashion to the cellar dwellers of the competition. Something that has stood out has been their leadership, or lack thereof, that has had fans growing extremely worried. 

Mix that with the colossal overs they have paid for players such as Milford, Lodge and Tevita Pangai and the release of Reece Walsh of being selected for origin after 8 games fame, it’s been a forgetful stretch for the once-proud Broncos. A positive is their roster is filled with young throbbers, such as Staggs, Haas and Carrigan who just need a big dick to follow around. Well, they’ve got themselves one in Adam Reynolds. After leading the bunnies to the big dance, Reynolds was amazingly released in a bed shit for the ages, prompting the Broncos recruitment to swoop and get the leader they have been after.

 Reynolds, paired with Origin backrower Kurt Capewell who loves receiving good nut through holes (DYOR, or don’t…) and the steely Ryan James add some much-needed experience in Brisbane. Couple that with the acquisition of capable outside backs Jordan Pereira and Brenko Lee and the Bronx have had themselves a sterling off-season. Sure, they won’t be competition juggernauts straight away. Sure, the loss of Xavier Coates to a Melbourne Storm system that creates stars out of fringe first graders, let alone Origin stars, may well haunt them for years to come. But hey, you’ve got to start somewhere right?

Canterbury-Bankstown Bulldogs – A

Now, you Broncos’ fans think you’ve had it hard? Spare a thought to the poor Doggies fans, who have had next to nothing to cheer about in what seems like forever. On top of picking up another spoon for the cabinet room this year, they lost arguably their best two players in Adam Elliot and Adam Elliot’s hog to a couple of classic rugby league scandals which poor Adam had no involvement in. But as we know, the hog has a mind of its own. Pair that with the sacking of Lachlan Lewis through the worst joke of all time, with further investigation alluding to young Lachlan deemed stealing whilst looking for an extra quid on eBay. I found it surprising that the Bulldogs frowned so heavily at Lewis’ act of theft, as Trent Barrett had been stealing pay cheques all year as he impersonated a head coach and no one batted an eyelid. Sorry Baz, but with the greatest respect, I just don’t think you get coaching. But, the Bulldogs got a man who does. 

Phil Gould, who we all know to be a fucking operator, joined the club and has already brought in some big names. Villiame Kikau and Reed Mahoney have both been acquired for the 2023 season and are massive coups in their respective rights, Mahoney in particular. The Dogs have yearned for a quality rake and they have nailed it on the head with Reed. While I may have been harsh on Barrett, I can’t knock his decision to sign Matt Burton, who in my opinion has what it takes to be one of the stars of this decade. He’s a footballer this kid. Pair him with representative star Josh Addo-Carr, former Australian thickie Paul Vaughan of Vaul Paughan fame, little Matt Dufty and Tevita Pangai Junior and the Bulldogs look very much on the up. They still desperately need an established halfback, but these next couple of years could start something special in Canterbury.