Guess what? Parra Dribblers Still Think They’re Winning the Premiership
After their shock upset win over a lacklustre Storm outfit, Eels fans nationwide have been rejuvenated and spurred into a frenzy, thinking that this anomaly somehow correlates to increased chances of a premiership victory. To paraphrase Tom and Eddy, I’ve never been more confident of a Storm premiership after that loss, which has lifted the burden of a record-winning streak from the shoulders of the Melbourne club. Maybe the Storm played crap, Maybe Parra played well, or maybe Craig Bellamy threw the game to take the pressure off his side. Whatever the reason was for this shock result, the science still points towards the sun exploding before the Eels win a grand final.
Long-time dribbler Fenno highlighted his lack of omenry study with a post in the Punters and Dribblers group, accompanied by a photo that has fewer pixels than I’ve had sober nights in lockdown. It said:
“It is 2021. 20 years after the Knights won their last grand final against Parramatta. The heritage jersey for 2021 is the design the Knights won the 2001 grand final in. Doing some rugby league math and the way the draw works for the final series will see Newcastle Vs Parramatta in the GF. Knights 30 – Parramatta 24. Also for added omenry… Knights also versed the Roosters in the Qualifying final that year and won 40-6. Knights will also draw the roosters in the qualifying final this year too.”
While there may be some parallels between 2001 and 2021, Fenno fails to take into account the fact that in 2001, the Eels finished in first place, losing only 4 games and setting a new regular-season points scoring record, before one of the greatest chokes of all time saw them go down 24-0 at half time in the grand final, and going on to lose the decider, their first loss in 10 games, and second loss in 23. (Don’t take streaks into the finals series)
Fenno was joined by fellow dribbler Daniel Pouloudis who shared a post from Useless Rugby League Stats which said:
“Parramatta have now beaten Melbourne on two successive occasions. The last two times Parramatta have done this to Melbourne (2001 and 2009), they went on to make the grand final.”
Sorry to break it to you Eels fans, but you lost both those grand finals as well, so I’d be happy to see a repeat of 2009 (except without getting it stripped this time).
One has to admire the optimism of these Parra dribblers, who have shown complete disrespect to the extensive scientific research performed by the Hello Sport lab team in conjunction with the CSIRO that has unequivocally proven the sun will explode before the Eels win another premiership. Any fluctuations in probability would have been recognised by Tom and Eddy in their extensive daily omenry study. Trust us, Punters and Dribblers, if Parra stood any chance of winning this year, we’d be the first to know about it.
Sun explosions soon
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