Menu
Cart

cricket

Untitled design - 2022-01-23T170506.216

Australia Needs a T20 All-Stars Game

, , , , ,

Australia Needs a T20 All-Stars Game

DYOR Dave

Untitled design - 2022-01-23T170506.216

 

Yesterday in New Zealand the annual Black Clash T20 cricket match took place, which saw Team Rugby take on Team Cricket.

While this game may have flown under the radar in Australia, it showcased some of the best modern kiwis to ever pull on a black Jersey or cap, including Richie McCaw, Daniel Vettori, BJ Watling, Kieran Reid and Jordie Barrett just to name a few.

Umpired by renowned larrikin Jimmy Neesham and the great Billy Bowden, who performed some of his most flamboyant moves ever seen, the game was played in front of a packed suburban oval in the town of Tauranga.

Held annually since 2019, the Black Clash has previously featured guests including Andy Lee, Mahela Jayawardene, David Hussey, and Olympic Shot-putter and certified thicc boy Matt Walsh, who scored a powerful 50 this year.

The event is a light-hearted and entertaining match that raises money for charity while bringing fans to smaller towns around New Zealand, and it has been a tremendous success.

 

Check Out All Black Will Jordan rip in with the bat in hand

 

While Australia has toyed with the concept of an all-stars game numerous times throughout history, we are yet to see a regular fixture emerge.

In December 1993 the Allan Border XI faced off against the Rod Marsh XI, which included players such as Alfie Langer, Wally Lewis, Tim Horan, Peter Sterling, David Boon, Richard Hadlee and Fatty Vautin, who went on to take one of the most memorable catches in Aussie cricket history.

More recently, a charity match was played in support of the bushfire relief fund which saw Ricky Ponting line up alongside Brian Lara, Sachin Tendulkar, Cameron Smith, Nick Riewoldt, Ellyse Perry and Courtney Walsh, just to name a few.

The event raised an impressive amount of money and was watched nationwide, with highlights including Tendulkar’s return to the crease as well as 16-year-old Phoebe Litchfield batting alongside Brian Lara.

With so much sporting talent across Australia, the possibilities for an all-stars match are endless. You could do NRL vs AFL, Cricket Vs Rugby/League, QLD Vs NSW with all codes involved.

Any sort of meaningless match that allows the punter and dribbler to see their favourite footy player or ex-cricketer pad up and test their skills at Australia’s famous summer pastime is sure to put lead in the pencils of the nation.

If Cricket Australia doesn’t act soon, it could fall into the hands of your faithful Podcasting kings, perhaps a Tom Birmingham XI vs Eddy Simpson XI?

Who would be in your All-Star team?

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

 

Check out the Latest Hello Sport Podcast episode #333 – Infomercials

Untitled design - 2022-01-16T164758.855

England Complete Their Ashes Humiliation by Begging to Let Their Players into the Sheffield Shield

, , , , , ,

England Complete Their Ashes Humiliation by Begging to Let Their Players into the Sheffield Shield

DYOR Dave

Untitled design - 2022-01-16T164758.855

 

Over the last two months, Australia have unequivocally alpha’d England in some of the most one-sided tests ever played in the Ashes.

Now, almost as if the humiliation of losing the series wasn’t enough, England have stooped even lower and had their daddy write a letter asking to please let their boys play with the Australians.

Chief Executive of the English Cricket Board Tom Harrison has written to Cricket Australia asking to allow English players to compete in the Sheffield Shield competition alongside their Australian superiors.

Citing England’s poor ashes performance, Harrison was quick to blame his players’ lack of experience in Australia as a reason for their catastrophic demise, saying “The reality is we need to be spending a lot more time with players in Australian conditions.”

These comments come after Harrison attempted to frame England’s Ashes loss and current form slump as a “brilliant opportunity for us to come together as a game and really sort that once and for all.”

Having just announced an official review of this series, the addition of English players into Sheffield Shield is one of many suggestions being put forward to salvage their once-proud cricketing nation.

While its not uncommon for Australians to spend a few seasons in English county cricket, the small amount of Sheffield Shield teams means it’s rare to see an Englishman down under.

Furthermore, the focus of Shield cricket lies more in the development of Test players, whereas county cricket has much more emphasis on overall club success.

Reports suggest Cricket Australia are currently drafting a response to the letter, however, are struggling due to their uncontrollable laughter at England’s pathetic predicament.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

 

Check out the Latest Hello Sport Podcast episode #331 – Purveyors of Fine Rom-Commery

Untitled design - 2022-01-10T153840.520

Hogline Bowling – Controversial Aussie strategy or Just Useless English Batting?

, , , , , , , , , , , ,

Hogline Bowling – Controversial Aussie strategy or Just Useless English Batting?

DYOR Dave

Untitled design - 2022-01-10T153840.520

 

90 years ago, the English cricket team executed a tactic that would forever change the way the game is played, taking aim at the batsmen themselves rather than the wickets, in a phenomenon dubbed ‘Bodyline.’

At a time when global tension was rising, the move tested diplomatic relationships between Australia and England, and now after almost a century, the Aussies may have sought their revenge.

It started with an unusual injury to England captain Joe Root in the “lower abdominal” region suffered during a nets session on day four of the second test in Adelaide.

Despite the semantic misdirection from the poms, it was clear that Root had been hit right where no man wants to be hit, the hog.

While scans revealed that no major damage had been done, the strength of his hog and surrounding accessories were tested once again when Mitchel Starc fired a 140km/h rocket straight into Joe Root’s middle wicket.

 

Soon after recovering from his second ball-on-ball incident of the day, Root edged a ball to Alex Carey, and with that, the Aussie Hogline strategy had taken its first victim.

Looking back on it, the mission was simple: Neutralise Joe Root by depriving him of that which gives his name substance, or in layman’s terms, make sure Joe can never root again.

He was again targeted on Day 3 of the 3rd test in Melbourne, this time by Pat Cummins during the devastating innings that saw England bowled out for 68.

His torrid series continued in Sydney where he was struck again early on day 5 and dismissed soon after for 24.

 

 

Dealing with the former #1 test batter in the world is no easy task, and although Australia’s strategy may seem unsportsmanlike, it’s important to remember that England were the ones who initiated this war of tactics back in 1932, and Australia are merely responding in the same vein.

However, critics of the Hogline theory will point to England’s woeful batting performance across the entire series as evidence against a purposeful Australian strategy to inflict further pain.

With only one player managing a century the entire series, one could easily argue that English batters are simply unable to suitably protect themselves against the might of Australian pace bowling.

With Johnny Bairstow and Jos Buttler both carrying injuries resulting from a failure to properly play a shorter pitched delivery, a pattern was beginning to emerge that reflected the woes of the English, rather than the malice of the Aussies.

No one can be certain whether the targeting of English crown jewels was a deliberate tactic or not, and the controversial tactic is sure to incite disapproval from the mainstream cricket community, just as bodyline did in the 1930’s.

However, if history was to repeat itself, we may end up seeing the eventual assimilation of hogline strategy into mainstream cricket playbooks, for better or for worse.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

 

Check out the Latest Hello Sport Podcast episode #329 – Stump Specialists

Untitled design - 2022-01-09T113844.017

The Shane Warne Movie is Out Now and it Could be the Greatest Story Ever Told on Film

, , , , ,

The Shane Warne Movie is Out Now and it Could be the Greatest Story Ever Told on Film

DYOR Dave

Untitled design - 2022-01-09T113844.017

 

Ever since the first film was projected by the Lumière brothers in 1895, filmmakers have been searching for the perfect story to tell on the big screen. 137 years later, they found it, in the form of the incomparable Shane Keith Warne.

Move over Casablanca, get lost Citizen Kane, and take a hike The Godfather, the new Shane Warne film is sure to be an instant classic.

The film, simply titled ‘Shane,’ tells the story of the man behind the 708 wickets and the personal toll of his meteoric rise to fame.

Featuring interviews with cricketing greats like Sachin Tendulkar and Merv Hughes, as well as members of his family, this film seeks to get to the heart of Warney as a person, rather than as a caricature of himself.

Along with his closest confidants, Warney couldn’t let the film proceed without a couple of celebrity cameos, including Ed Sheeran of ‘not Ron Weasley fame’ and Chris Martin of ‘the one from Coldplay not the cricketer’ fame.

 

Among highlights of his career and intimate home videos from his adult life, there’s also inspiring scenes of Warne standing with his kids in front of a sunset as well as strutting barefoot on a beach while wearing his now infamous train drivers hat.

The Shane Warne story has been told time and time again, and while its unlikely this film will redefine how we see the man, it’s sure to add a few more spicy details to the man we know and love.

‘Shane’ is available in select cinemas around Australia until January 25, and then will be available on Amazon Prime.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

 

Check out the Latest Hello Sport Podcast episode #329 – Stump Specialists

Untitled design - 2022-01-08T103739.974

Can Marnus Use Woo-Woo to Take His Game to the Next Level?

, , , ,

Can Marnus Use Woo-Woo to Take His Game to the Next Level?

by The Banana Bender Dribbler

Untitled design - 2022-01-08T103739.974

 

To quote the great Michael Gary Scott,

“I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious”

Coming off the voluminous runs that saw him become the leading batsman in test cricket, Marnus threw caution to the wind and decided to change his bat and grip to the new retro-inspired Kookaburra Bubble (which does look fantastic I might add).

This can only be seen as an act of spitting in the face of the devilish cricket gods. Dumping a piece of willow after it led you to the most successful period of your career is a decision that should not be taken lightly.

Since the change, he has only mustered a meager average of 14.5 and his once loveable neurotic mannerisms at the crease have started to look twitchy and nervous.

The only solution to this voodoo-based dilemma is Woo Woo and lots of it. We must get this bat charged with the energy of a thousand moons and back to scoring bulk runs for the nation.

I know about the magic of moon water but is there such a thing as moon varnish? If we could somehow dip this schcmick piece of willow in some glorious enchanted Moon Varnish we could vanquish this dark cloud of energy forever.

Or alternatively, he could just go back to the bloody old bat!

Part of me thinks he should have known better, but I guess when you’re flying as high as he was, you can get a little devil-may-care and disregard the potential bad ju-ju.

In conclusion, sort your shit out Marnus. But if you do require Woo-Woo based consulting, reach out.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

 

Check out the Latest Hello Sport Podcast episode #329 – Stump Specialists

Untitled design - 2021-12-27T114624.404

HOT TAKE: Why We Need Warnie As a Commentator

, , , , , , ,

HOT TAKE: Why We Need Warnie As a Commentator

DYOR Dave

Untitled design - 2021-12-27T114624.404

 

The 2021 Ashes series has so far been a tidal wave of success and happiness for Aussie fans. Despite injuries, covid scares, and uncertain openers, the team has easily powered through England in the first two tests, and are looking likely to do the same again this week.

If you ask most Aussie dribblers what the worst part about this series has been, I can guarantee you that Shane Warne’s commentary would be their outstanding lowlight. Between his hatred for Mitchell Starc, his pointless tangents that take priority over actual commentary, and his thinly-veiled advances at Isa Guha, he’s once again leaving his mark on an Ashes series.

Herein lies the conundrum: How can we as dribblers come to terms with a man of such immense stature, a man who’s contributed so much to the sporting and dribbling community, becoming so universally disliked?

Just as Warnie has cast a small black shadow over this otherwise flawless series, so has he begun to chisel away at the pristine career that has for decades pushed the boundaries of what an elite sportsman can be. His antics always delivered wild yarns without crossing over into offensive or malicious areas, and considering his performance on the pitch never disappointed, it was always play on for Warnie.

I don't see Mark Howard ripping any billies with his face on them

I don't see Mark Howard ripping any billies with his face on them

 

For so long, Warne was the tallest of poppies, an unassailable dribbler who couldn’t be faulted, until now… but that’s ok. Australians love nothing more than cutting down a tall poppy, it’s part of our history and our heritage. We’re not a society who says that our leaders are saviours of the world or chosen by god, we give them as much vitriol as we would the bloke who’s taking too long to order a schnitty in front of you at a pub.

Would we really accept that one of our cultural heroes is some sort of perfectly righteous and all-knowing demigod? Of course not! He’s a dribbler just like the rest of us, spouting unqualified opinion and unwavering bias… and that’s why we love him. How much less would we, as dribblers, have to talk about this series if it wasn’t for Warnie’s commentary?

Warnie is such a strong and true dribbler that his dribble provides the foundational dribble upon which we as a community can build our own dribble on. He is a gift given to us by the gods of dribble, but just like anything in this world, be it Warnie’s career or this Ashes series, the good cannot exist without the bad.

Shane Warne is Yin and Yang. Shane Warne is the King of Spin and the dunce of dribble. Shane Warne is as true an Aussie dribbler as they come, and we wouldn’t want it any other way.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

 

Check out the Latest Hello Sport Podcast episode #325 – Covid Nangs

Untitled design - 2021-12-10T161819.028

Can You Separate the Art from the Artist? Shane Warne the Bowler Vs Shane Warne the Commentator

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Can You Separate the Art from the Artist? Shane Warne the Bowler Vs Shane Warne the Commentator

by Joseph Murphy

Untitled design - 2021-12-10T161819.028

 

Can you separate the art from the artist? It’s a question that makes the rounds every time it turns out some celebrity is incapable of doing anything productive without also committing an atrocity on the side.

How can we possibly treasure the memories of Shane Warne the cricketer whilst listening to Shane Warne the commentator? How can I reconcile the fact that a man I’ve idolised since I learnt what cricket was, the man who bowled the Gatting ball, the man who won countless test series for Australia, just spent the entire day making me wish he’d shut the fuck up?

Be it refusing to acknowledge that Mitch Starc bowled Roy Burns with an absolute peach, or insisting that England still had a chance to save the innings and score 250 when they were all of 5/not much, Warnie is pissing into the ear of the punter and dribbler around Australia.

Now I’m looking back on 2008, when a long-haired ruffian tipping the top end of the scales had his team chase him through the outfield after knocking over Andrew Strauss for his 700th wicket, with a gnawing feeling that this is the same bloke that refused to acknowledge that a ball that swung half a metre moved at all.

2cefbbc869e714a94e73fed20b8d9701

 

Warnie’s been dipping into his contrarian box a lot recently, picking hot take after hot take of who doesn’t deserve to be in the rest side. Constant hot takes are a gamble, you’ve got to be right every now and then for people to believe you, or you can just be right on one really hot take.

As a gambler, Warnie knows this, and he kept trying to pull himself out of debt with increasingly hot takes, going so far as to insist that batting was the right decision when England were 7 down, they’d just copped a couple of “unlucky” balls and played shots that weak English test players tend to play were, in Warnies view, were just “uncharacteristic”.

Maybe it will all pass as we get deeper into the summer. I mean, I can still watch Inspector Gadget with the knowledge that Matthew Broderick killed two people in a car accident and only had to pay a $175 fine (allegedly, allegedly).  But if I hear even a suggestion that Jack Leach is on-par with Nathan Lyon, then how will I ever be able to watch the stump-dance again?

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

 

Check out the Latest Hello Sport Podcast episode #321 – Crystal Ducks

0ApdMwi

“Aussie Pace Trio” Now #1 Search on Pornhub After Incredible Nut Display

, , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

“Aussie Pace Trio” Now #1 Search on Pornhub After Incredible Nut Display

by Goose Gould

0ApdMwi

 

Australian pace trio Mitchell Starc, Josh Hazlewood and Pat Cummins are reportedly in talks with legendary adult film star James Deen about future collaborations following Wednesday morning’s incredible display of nut. 

By midday on Wednesday, the term “Aussie pace trio” was the most searched item on adult website Pornhub all year, while each player saw their profiles skyrocket to the first three positions on the top charts.

Day 1, Session 1 of the First Ashes Test saw an explosion of seed as Starc, Hazlewood and Cummins ripped through England’s top order to leave the visitors reeling at 4-29 before lunch. 

Starc’s arguably premature nut brought the Gabba to its collective knees after splattering Rory Burns’ leg stump with seed on ball #1 before Hazlewood and skipper Cummins edged their way to wickets in the 4th, 6th and 13th overs. 

Word of the trio’s X-rated exploits shot worldwide with keen attention paid across the Pacific. 

it’s alleged United States resident James Deen of having a whopping knob fame reached out to the Herald to flag his interest in collaborating with our test cricketers. 

“I’ve throw some nut around in my day but that session of cricket left me breathless,” Deen told the Herald.

“I couldn’t believe it – seed on wood, cherries popping up left right and centre – so I showed my managers some footage and they’re well keen.” 

Fellow porn icon Johnny Sins agreed, pitching some prospective monikers for the Australian bowlers. 

“I’d work with those boys any day,” Sins eagerly confirmed. 

 “As for names, Josh Hazabigwood and Mitchell Starkers write themselves and while Ol Blue Eyes works a treat for the captain, Pat Cumminside has a certain ring to it.” 

It’s not known whether former Australian skipper Tim Paine’s bulging disc will make him unavailable for selection in the Deen Team but both Americans noted his enthusiasm. 

“We’ll be in touch, for sure.” 

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

 

Check out the Latest Hello Sport Podcast episode #320 – 502 Gateway

Untitled design - 2021-12-08T104819.326

QLD BULLShit: Banana Benders Continue to get Snubbed from the Aussie Test Side

, , , , , , , , , ,

QLD BULLShit: Banana Benders Continue to get Snubbed from the Aussie Test Side

by The Banana Bender Dribbler

Untitled design - 2021-12-08T104819.326

 

With the controversial selection of Travis Head over Usman Khawaja being released this week by our nation’s new fast bowling skipper, it raises the question. Why do Bulls players constantly get overlooked by the national selectors?

Sure, we have Marnus ripping and tearing on an international scale but our sunshine state produces far more talent than the 9% of test spots we currently occupy. To put that in perspective Blues players account for 54% of our first ashes test IX. 

So where does the problem stem from, are the selectors ‘stateist’ pricks, or do they just have a type and that type is New South Welshman blue-eyed hot boys? Another question is how many runs does a Bulls player actually have to score to lock down a test spot?

Khawaja and Peirson both had the best shield seasons of their careers, averaging 65.71 and 47.67 respectively whilst being overlooked for Travis Head and Alex Carey. The Carey selection should raise eyebrows on stats alone after he averaged 21.86 with the bat this shield season. Combine that with the fact he is a year older than Peirson, who is the superior gloveman out of the two, and you have yourself a state-based conspiracy.

uz

 

On the bowling front Michael Neser and Mitch Swepson have been on the cusp of selection for what feels like an eternity but consistently get overlooked for the Blues foursome. Let’s face it, the people at Big Baggy Green have tried to keep the blatant stateist bias out of the public eye for decades but it’s time we exposed it. 

Historically Queensland has produced some elite-level cricketing talent that has been grossly underutilised by the national selectors. The likes of Stuart Law and Martin Love both failed to be given a fair look in the baggy green after averaging 50 at shield level for their whole careers. Law even scored 54 not out in his only innings in the test side before being dropped the following game. 

Though he played 19 tests for Australia, I still am adamant that Andy Bichel could have taken 500 test wickets if he was given an adequate opportunity at the international level. The bloke dismissed Brian Lara four times at a bowling average of 32 and yet holds the unenviable distinction of being the twelfth man for the test side a record 19 times. I rest my case. 

Bulls legends forever, 

Stateist selectors never.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

 

Check out the Latest Hello Sport Podcast episode #320 – 502 Gateway

Untitled design - 2021-12-07T153957.694

Six Possible Venues for the 5th Test That Cricket Australia Won’t Even Consider

, , , , , ,

Six Possible Venues for the 5th Test That Cricket Australia Won’t Even Consider

DYOR Dave

Untitled design - 2021-12-07T153957.694

 

Supreme leader of Western Australia Mark “Mao” McGowan has delivered one of the all-time great bedshits, as he has lost his state the annual 5th Ashes test.

While residents of the hermit state are still coming to terms with this loss, it opens up a unique opportunity to play the final test at a new and exotic location.

I thought I would suggest a few possible options that Cricket Australia could consider if their interests truly lay in growing the game, rather than rewarding whoever throws the most money at them.

 

North Sydney Oval

The Mecca of local Sydney cricket, North Sydney has more history in its sausage stand than most stadiums do in their entire oval.

One of the biggest problems facing Australian sport these days is the lack of connection between the grassroots and the highest levels, so what better way to bridge that gap than to host a game at the 150-year-old ground that just about every dribbler in the city has either kicked a footy or hit a kookaburra on.

Mawson Station Antarctica

Based in Australia’s region of Antarctica, you wouldn’t be wrong in saying it’s as much “in Australia” as Tasmania is.

Despite its temperatures, Antarctica is actually the driest continent, meaning the best chance for 5 uninterrupted days of play. The same unfortunately can’t be said for the mainland with La Niña around.

The dry conditions will also mean a fast pitch and outfield, as well as a lot of bounce for our new captain to show his prowess. It’ll be breaking new ground for the game, and yet another ground in Australia that England can’t win at.

Whitsunday Sports Park

A cricket oval next to a picturesque mountain which is also next to a pristine blue reef? I’m already booking flights. Sure there’s no grandstand, toilets, bar and the car park can barely fit 20, but it’s worth it for the view.

Without overseas travelers, the tourism industry is suffering, so why not get a few thousand dribblers to North Queensland and let them loose on all the rainforests, reefs, towns and footy ovals. What could go wrong? They could even bring their jet skis and watch the game from the water.

Screen Shot 2021-12-07 at 12.06.18 pm

 

Don Bradman’s childhood oval in Bowral

The omenry at play if Australia were to return to that hallowed turf would probably be so strong that England would fail to make a single run. It’s a no-brainer.

At the Don’s home is where his spiritual powers are the strongest, and he may even be able to enter the body of both Marnus Labuschagne and Steve Smith at the same time, to set up a record-breaking 1000 run partnership.

The embarrassment to England would be so severe Australia would instantly take over the monarchy, with Smith as our King. A yearly public holiday will be celebrated in his honour, and England will go on to lose every test for the next decade.

Christmas Island

Just like Tasmania, Christmas Island is part of Australia, but also not really. Unlike Tasmania, it’s home to a beautiful warm climate, lush rainforests and a host of rare and unique animals.

Christmas Island could really do with a PR glow-up and hosting the 5th Ashes test would definitely bring back a bit of the holiday spirit that earned the island its merry name.

Located about 1000km northwest of Broome, the tropical weather and hot conditions will no doubt prove difficult for the poms to handle, giving Australia an unnecessary yet enjoyable advantage.

The SCG

Give me another test. I want to see more live test cricket. 5 days per summer is not nearly enough.

If NSW Premier Dom Perrotett can secure two Sydney tests every year: I, Dyor Dave of Antifa fame, swear to vote Liberal every state election so long as we still see two Sydney tests. that’s how badly I need more test cricket in my life.

 

Fancy yourself as a bit of a writer? Got some unqualified opinion and unwavering bias you’d like to share with the world? Send it through to dyor@hellosport.com.au to be featured on the site

 

Check out the Latest Hello Sport Podcast episode #320 – 502 Gateway

Load More